I get insomnia twice a year. Not sure why, but it never fails. This one has been the worst one yet. It’s been going on since June. I had to talk to my Internal Medicine doctor, so she could prescribe me some sleeping pills.

I think the depression plus thinking too much made me not need any sleep. The worst was going on 25 hours without sleep and still not feeling tired. My ex gave me sleeping pills that finally knocked me out.

After tomorrow, I plan on forcing myself to sleep at least seven hours a night. No TVs, no laptops, and no thinking. I might start meditating 15 minutes before it’s time to sleep to see if this quiets my constantly-thinking mind.

I know that is one of the reasons I have aches and pains everywhere. My body seems to be deteriorating. I have lost almost 30 pounds since this insomnia hit. Sigh…I sometimes feel like I am going to be like the man in Stephen King’s “Insomnia” and start seeing creatures that no one else can see. I hope it doesn’t get to that.

Yesterday, I was reading a Woman’s Day magazine, when they had an interesting article about children’s crafts. Instead of saving every piece, save the best ones, but take photos of the rest. Use a software like Blurb to create books of these photos.

I have saved every piece the kids have created since they were babies. It’s now getting a little crazy. Therefore, it’s time to let go of them and start getting real. Definitely a book is better than piles of crafts.

My parents did that when we were growing up. Whenever we entered the house, we were banned from speaking anything but Spanish. It worked. Whenever we went to a Panamanian party, we were the only offspring who spoke both languages perfectly.

I am doing my kids a huge injustice just speaking English to them. They are losing all the Spanish words they knew when we lived with my parents. I am going to start on the 1st because tomorrow is scrambling day trying to get everything prepared for the New Year’s Eve party I’m throwing.

My goal is that by the time we go to Panama in April, they will begin understanding some words.

I have always been good with languages. Today, I got the biggest push to learn French. I took the kids to the park, and there was a grandmother with her grandson. I am pretty social, so I said hi and asked her if she lived around there. She didn’t speak any English and was from Russia.

I took one class of Russia in college, and still remembered the basics. I actually was able to carry a pretty ok conversation with her. It made me realize that I am not satisfied just knowing two languages. I want to learn more.

When I went to Aruba in 2005, I was shocked to see that the people always knew more than three languages, which is how many countries are.

French is a language that I have always loved listening to. Therefore, I have decided it’s the third language that I want to conquer.

I have known nothing but pessimism for a few years. Therefore, there are days that I don’t even believe smiling exists. I don’t want to be that person any longer. I am becoming happier and more alive, so it’s time that I smile at least once a day.

Smiling is a good way to make your negative feelings melt away.

I want to begin volunteering to help children and/or women. Next week, I am going to begin researching what volunteering opportunities there are in my area that I can begin doing in February.

One of my other goals is to have the kids volunteer, so it would be great to find a non-profit organization that will allow me to do both.

I am currently reading “Screamfree Parenting.” I need to find a second book. I definitely want it to be a fiction. The kids and I are going to the library on Friday, so I will get one then.

I have been procrastinating on many things. One of the things that I have neglected is my skin. I haven’t been washing it in the morning and night, and I haven’t been using my acne medication. Before I head to my Dermatologist for my next appointment, I better get back to my skin routine, or he is going to yell at me. Also, I am now 30, and I have to protect my skin from the signs of aging as much as I can.

“uplifting”

How I did it: I let go of all the bad people in my life.  It’s then that I realized that other people’s negativity were the reason that I felt like there was nothing but darkness in the world.

Lessons & tips:

1. Fire the bad people in your life
2. Live in the present 
3. Begin focusing on yourself
4. Learn to say no 
5. Don’t be too proud to ask for help 

Resources:

• My family and friends  

It took me 3 months.

It made me closer to happiness