When it comes to love, some people are idealistic, and others are realistic. I remember a conversation I had with my ex two years ago.
“You are too idealistic,” he said to me.
“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”
“It’s going to break you one day.”
“What?”
“You need to realize that you have to think realistically about relationships and realize that you are going to have to eventually settle. You can’t live life in this rosy-glass way that you seem to live.”
For the first time, I was speechless. Why couldn’t I be idealistic about love? I’m very similar to Marianne from “Sense and Sensibility” and Clementine from “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” Side note: Funny that Kate Winslet played them both. They are my favorite characters and it was due to this passion and innocence that they had. It’s one of the reasons people love me, including him, so why is it a bad thing?
In Sense and Sensibility,” Colonel Brandon says it perfectly, “I knew a lady very like your sister – the same impulsive sweetness of temper – who was forced into, as you put it, a better acquaintance with the world. The result was only ruination and despair. Do not desire it, Miss Dashwood.”
I dealt with that ruination and despair last year, and I picked up the pieces and are happier than ever. I decided to go the realistic route, but all it did was cause me to become mean and bitter. In the end, I decided that isn’t for me. I love that I still have this innocent view about the world, and I don’t care if I remain alone due to that. I’m not going to change myself.
I’m so in love that I can’t think about anything else, but that feeling.It’s exhilarating feeling that you almost have everything you’ve always wanted: the man of my dreams, my children, great career, amazing health, wonderful friends, and happy.I haven’t been happy for a very long time, so I am feeling kind of weird about it.It feels too good to be true, and I’m afraid that in an instant, I am going to lose it all.Happiness is a feeling that everyone covets, and I finally have it.
My past relationship wasn’t the best.The person was constantly cheating, lying, BREAKING MY SHIT, and a drama starter.My drama-free life was all of a sudden consumed with it when I was with this person.I feel bad because after Eric, I vowed never to allow myself to get into a horrible relationship where there was a lack of respect and honesty. Lo and behold, I was in one again. Everyone who met this person told me there was something wanting in this person’s eyes. I still care for this person, but I know it’s for the best.
Grover has always been my sanity throughout all of it.He would listen to me and give me the best advice. Every time we stopped speaking, I felt sad and lost.I secretly cried because I didn’t have him in my life. The last time we stopped speaking, I became a total hermit because I didn’t care about anything, but the kids. I tried to start dating a few times, but they never compared to him. Now, I have him completely in my life.Even if we don’t last as a couple, I know we will last as friends.
He told me that whenever I smile at him, he feels like he loses all reason. He said that he smiles more when I’m around. Also, that he wants to be with me the rest of our lives. We are planning a trip in January, so I am excited for that. I wanted to go skydiving this month, but he wants to wait til the weather gets better cause he knows I hate the cold. I wanted to because I want to get rid of my fear of heights, and also I want to do it so I can feel like I finally have wings.
I’ve always felt like Marianne in “Sense and Sensibility” with Willoughby.I now feel like Marianne and Willoughby have been given a second chance through us. This video is Marianne reciting ShakespeareSonnet 116. It describes how ideal love should be. I use to watch this scene and cry cause I had lost that, but now I found it again.
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Betrayal is one of the worst feelings to feel. It is right up there with grief, pain, and loss. I honestly feel like my heart has been ripped open. The sad thing is that I allow this person to continuously do this to me over and over again. It feels like I have been crying since I met that person. Here are some of my favorite quotes dealing with betrayal:
One should rather die than be betrayed. There is no deceit in death. It delivers precisely what it has promised. Betrayal, though … betrayal is the willful slaughter of hope. – Steven Deitz
Betrayal is the only truth that sticks. – Arthur Miller
Betrayal is about learning not to idealize external sources. – Linda Talley
We have to distrust each other. It is our only defense against betrayal – Tennessee Williams
Trust can take years to build, but only a second to break. - Unknown
And I believe love should be like this Shakespeare’s Sonnet 116:
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.
Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle’s compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
I’m a lot like Marianne from “Sense and Sensbility.” Maybe that is my problem. I need to get over this. I need to continue to focus on my children and myself. I was glad I could speak to my sister today. She is right. I am strong, and I will get through this.
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