If you asked me last year if you thought I was going to be a pretty good runner, I would have laughed at you, and told you that I didn’t have time for jokes. Now, it’s a different story. I love running. Yes, at times, it can be a little daunting. However, after awhile, you can run and run without even thinking twice about it.
Last year, when I went to Panama, I couldn’t even run for a mile. Kristine was my motivation and moral support. This is a girl who did marathons all the time, and was always one of the fastest girls in her squandron. I remember that I allowed my friends to convince me to sign up for the Army Ten Miler. I would chat with my sister and tell her that I couldn’t do something like that. She told me not to give up, and that before she joined the Air Force, she was a terrible runner. Like me, she said that she would constantly get cramps because she didn’t know how to breathe properly. Also, she would get tired after she took two steps. She said that it took her a couple of months to finally build up her stamina, and not think that running was half bad.
I remember being in Panama and running with her. She would be running without even heaving, and I couldn’t even speak. I would tell her to keep running cause I felt bad that I was preventing her from running the way she was accustomed to. She would stop and smile at me.
“That’s ok Shevonne. I want to walk with you.”
It was due to her support that I was eventually able to run the Army Ten Miler without stopping. The first time I ran one mile without stopping, I sent her an email, so excited that I was able to do even that. She was so ecstatic. She responded, “I am so happy for you! I knew you could do it.”
When she passed away, I stopped exercising for awhile because it was hard for me to even get out of bed. Eventually I had to because I had two children to take care of. I didn’t even want to do the Cherry Blossom Ten Miler that I was doing in April. However, I knew that Kristine loved that I was running, so I decided to start training. The first two times I tried running, I could only do a mile. I finally said to myself, “STOP THIS! If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your sister, who was so proud of you.”
I started running two, three, and now five miles without thinking twice. Yesterday when I ran five miles, I kept thinking that she was running right next to me, and encouraging me to keep going. It was the only way that I kept running until I reached my goal. I felt great afterwards, and I was able to smile, without having to force it, for the first time in over a month.
I want her to be proud of me in anything that I do. I hope that she is.
Exercising is one of my greatest passions. Without the endorphins that I receive from it not pumping through my body, I usually become irritable, “mad at the world,” and overanalyze to a fault. It’s one of the only reasons that I am glad that the holiday season is over, so I can get back to basics.
My 2010 short-term health goals are:
Run three marathons
Do a century ride
Participate in the Air Force Cycling Challenge
Drink more water
Meditate
I already signed up for the Cherry Blossom Ten Miler coming up in March, and I am ready to start training again.
The best way to get motivated is to do it with a bunch of friends. Luckily, I have found a great group of friends who are all about running, biking, outdoor activities, etc., so I can always find some healthy-type of activity to do. Even when I don’t want to run anymore, I have someone pushing me to keep going. It’s one of the reasons that I can now run for miles on end without stopping. Great motivation.
My long-term goal is to lose 15 pounds. Before Christmas, I went to buy some new jeans, and was disappointed when I couldn’t fit into my size. It made me determined than ever to get some willpower to stop eating so much. Food is my other passion. Luckily, I have always been a lover of healthy foods, but it still doesn’t mean that I can eat all the time. Due to work, illness, and having the tendency to not eat when I’m at home, I dropped some weight, but it’s due to muscle loss, so I am kind of upset about that. However, I have a muscular body, so I know that I will get it back in no time.
Yesterday was a relaxing but melancholy day. It made me think about my life, then and now. I do hate when I get like this though, especially when it’s due to something of my own doing. It doesn’t help when I keep thinking, going over the events, and wondering what I could have done to change the outcome. The best thing I can do is stop thinking about it and forget.
Today I am running the Maryland 5K Race for the Cure with my sister. I am glad that I have become an avid runner because it makes me feel better. I plug my earphones into my ear and forget all my troubles. Here are some of the songs that I will be listening to:
Frank Sinatra- My Way
And now, the end is near; And so I face the final curtain. My friend, Ill say it clear, Ill state my case, of which Im certain.
Ive lived a life thats full. Ive traveled each and evry highway; And more, much more than this, I did it my way.
Regrets, Ive had a few; But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do And saw it through without exemption.
I planned each charted course; Each careful step along the byway, But more, much more than this, I did it my way.
Yes, there were times, Im sure you knew When I bit off more than I could chew. But through it all, when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out. I faced it all and I stood tall; And did it my way.
Ive loved, Ive laughed and cried. Ive had my fill; my share of losing. And now, as tears subside, I find it all so amusing.
To think I did all that; And may I say – not in a shy way, No, oh no not me, I did it my way.
For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels; And not the words of one who kneels. The record shows I took the blows - And did it my way!
Nina Simone – Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
Baby do you understand me now
If sometimes you see that I’m mad
Doncha know that no one alive can always be an angel?
When everything goes wrong you see some bad
Well I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood
Ya know sometimes baby I’m so carefree
with a joy that’s hard to hide
Then sometimes again it seems that all I have is worry
And then you’re bound to see my other side
But I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood
If I seem edgy
I want you to know
I never meant to take it out on you
Life has its problems
and I get more than my share
but that’s me one thing I never mean to do
Cause I love you
Oh baby
I’m just human
Don’t you know I have faults like anyone?
Sometimes I find myself alone regretting
some little foolish thing
some simple thing that I’ve done
I’m just a soul whose intentions are good
Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood
I try so hard
So don’t let me be misunderstood
uverWorld -Colors of the Heart
On that day, my heart crumbled in silence
Even though I scream at being broken, inerasable memories and
Darkness flow into my eyes
And I sink into tomorrow whose colors can’t even be seen anymore
I searched endlessly for the day of reconciliation
Only for the sake of losing it, I will live for the present
Even when it is useless and I embrace solitude alone
If you turn on the lights…
I will shine towards them
“Feelings continuously filled with wishes will someday change colors”, that’s what I’ve been taught
To be a person who continues to live with this in the heart
Because Colors are born within anything and everything inevitable
I will paint tomorrow once more with these hands
Before I knew it, I became used to the things I’ve lost
Even the things which were placed into my hands slipped through my fingers
Before my tears dry up, the words which I wanted to hear
Are now for the sake of saving someone
It’s all your fate. You gonna do that.
“If light becomes stronger, darkness will also become deeper”
Even if I realized that, I have nothing to fear
Because Colors are born at the end of just about any kind of heart
My eyes are already open because we were gazing at each other
The Breath of sadness,
I was searching for that to stain it in colors
Without raising a sound
“Feelings continuously filled with wishes will someday change colors”, that’s what I’ve been taught
To be a person who continues to live by this in the heart
Because Colors are born within anything and everything inevitable
They will illuminate once more with the fingertips of light
Just do it… Colors in light and darkness
And take it… Colors in light and darkness
Now, the gentle colors which could not be reached
With these hands, I will use them to paint and fix everything again
Origa – Inner Universe
Angels and demons were circling above me
Swishing through the thorns and galaxies.
Only the one doesn’t know happiness,
Who couldn’t understand its call…
Watch in awe, watch in awe
Heavenly glory, heavenly glory
Watch in awe, watch in awe
Heavenly glory, heavenly glory
I am calling, calling now
Spirits rise and falling
To stay myself longer…
Calling, calling, in the depth of longing
To stay myself longer…
Watch in awe, watch in awe
Heavenly glory, heavenly glory
Stand alone…
Where was life when it had a meaning…
Stand alone…
Nothing’s real anymore and…
Endless run…
While I’m alive, I can try not to fall while flying
To learn how to dream… to love…
Endless run…
Calling, calling, for the place of knowing
There’s more than what can be linked
Calling, calling now, never will I look away
For what life has left for me
Yearning, yearning, for what’s left of loving
To stay myself longer…
Calling, calling now, spirits rise and falling…
To stay myself longer…
Calling, calling, in the depth of longing…
To stay myself longer…
Watch in awe, watch in awe
Heavenly glory, heavenly glory
Watch in awe, watch in awe
Heavenly glory, heavenly glory
Orega de Van Gogh – Deseos de Cosas Imposibles
Igual que el mosquito ms tonto de la manada
yo sigo tu luz aunque me lleve a morir,
te sigo como le siguen los puntos finales
a todas las frases suicidas que buscan su fin.
Igual que el poeta que decide trabajar en un banco
sera posible que yo en el peor de los casos
le hiciera una llave de judo a mi pobre corazn
haciendo que firme llorando esta declaracin:
Me callo porque es mas cmodo engaarse.
Me callo porque ha ganado la razn al corazn.
Pero pase lo que pase,
y aunque otro me acompae,
en silencio te querr tan slo a ti.
Igual que el mendigo cree que el cine es un escaparate,
igual que una flor resignada decora un despacho elegante,
prometo llamarle amor mo al primero que no me haga dao
y rer ser un lujo que olvide cuando te haya olvidado.
Pero igual que se espera como esperan el la Plaza de Mayo
procuro encender en secreto una vela, no sea que por si acaso
un golpe de suerte algn da quiera que te vuelva a ver
reduciendo estas palabras a un trozo de papel.
Me callo porque es mas cmodo engaarse.
Me callo porque ha ganado la razn al corazn.
Pero pase lo que pase,
y aunque otro me acompae,
en silencio te querr tan slo,
me callo porque es mas cmodo engaarse.
Me callo porque ha ganado la razn al corazn.
Pero pase lo que pase,
y aunque otro me acompae,
en silencio te querr,
en silencio te amar,
en silencio pensar tan slo en ti
The Army Ten-Miler is this Sunday, and I am excited. I don’t have that dread that I had the entire time after signing up for it. My mental block against this race is gone, and I feel that by pacing myself, I can run the majority (or even all) of the ten miles. Last Sunday, I ran seven miles and walked one, so I am more than prepared.
I remember in March, when I went to Panama with my family, I couldn’t run half a mile. My sister, who is in the Air Force and can run 26 miles without thinking about it, would take me running with her in the mornings. It was over 90 degrees already, and I struggled to keep up with her. She literally ran circles around me while I gasped for air. The entire time I wondered why the hell I signed up for the Army Ten-Miler.
She told me not to worry. She said that she hated running, but she had to learn to love it because she was in the military.
“If you keep practicing, you will be able to do it in no time,” she said.
On top of that, I got some good running shoes that helped tremendously.
I would run in Burke Lake Park, which is almost five miles, and I couldn’t even do half. During my walks, I would see people running with no issues, and I wondered how in the world they were doing it. I knew half of it was my mental block.
When I was a kid, I had Scoliosis and walked like a duck. I could barely run due to this, and always had people make fun of me. It got worse when I had to wear braces. This caused me to never want to run anything.
In July, I told my parents that I was doing the Army Ten-Miler. My dad laughed and said, “You won’t be able to do it.”
“Why?”
“You’re not a runner,” he replied.
“I did a century ride, so why can’t I?”
“Running and biking are not the same thing.”
This is the motivation that I needed. I am a very competitive person, and I don’t like when someone says I can’t do something.
I kept trying, but I still had problems with breathing, mental block, and getting this painful side cramps whenever I ran. I finally started asking for advice and reading as many articles as I could. I also got some great running shoes that lessened the pounding on the trails.
Last month, I ran the entire Burke Lark Park without stopping. I slowly started to add more and more. I realized two weeks ago that the run was coming up. I panicked. I texted message my friend, who is doing it with me.”
“Girl, I don’t think I can do it.”
She responded, “Yes, you can. Come on. You’ll be ok.”
She gave me an awesome pep talk, and I got my confidence back. This evening I am going to a runner’s store, so I can get the perfect running shoes. I don’t know what it is but I always have my feet cave outwards. Therefore, I want shoes that can help me with that.
My sister has been a great support, and I love her for that. When doing something new, you should always have people who encourage you to continue forward. My dad has finally come around and is supporting me now. He is even going to go with me to cheer me on. I am ready to take on the Army Ten-Miler and no one is going to stop me.
I am a horrible runner. Therefore, I don’t know what possessed me in signing up for the Army Ten-Miler Marathon that is coming up in October. Maybe it was peer pressure, or after the Reston Tour de Cure, I really thought that if I could do 100 miles on a bike, I could run ten miles. It doesn’t matter how I got myself into this situation, I am in it.
I have been trying to train for months for this ten miler, and I keep getting stuck at three miles. I know it’s a mental block, but I have no idea how to let it go. Running is a sport that is not just strenuous, it is also mental. I know that if I break out of this “I can’t run anymore” mentality, I will be able to do the race.
I am part of this running group, and they all seem great, so I am excited to train with them. My friend sent me her old training schedule to see if it will help me reach ten miles before the race, so I have been looking at that. I know that I have to run three miles this weekend in order to be on the right track. I am meeting two of the strongest runners in the group to see if they will push me to keep going.
If anyone has any tips, advice, or articles that you want to share, please, PLEASE post them.
