DCFemella

goodbye lover 1, originally uploaded by maiacb.

One of my favorite Chinese stories is about letting go of the past:

Two monks were returning to the monastery in the evening. It had rained and there were puddles of water on the road sides. At one place a beautiful young woman was standing unable to walk accross because of a puddle of water. The elder of the two monks went up to a her, lifted her in his arms, left her on the other side of the road, and continued his way to the monastery.

In the evening the younger monk came to the elder monk and said, “Sir, as monks, we cannot touch a woman ?”

The elder monk answered “Yes, brother”.

Then the younger monk asks again, ” But then Sir, how is that you lifted that woman on the roadside ?”

The elder monk smiled at him and told him ” I left her on the other side of the road, but you are still carrying her “

I used to live in the past and the future. I only focused on what had happened to me, and what I was going to do to fix it, so I could have the future I envisioned. I forgot to do one thing: Live in the present.

The present is the only place that I want to live now. If something occurs that makes me feel an ounce of unhappiness, I hash it out right then and there, so I don’t have to think about it hours or days later. It’s one of the reasons that I love blogging. It’s a great outlet to quickly let go all the emotions you are feeling, so you are able to enjoy your life. One of things in my past that I had a hard time letting go of were two of my exes, especially one of them.

I kept thinking about all the “What If” scenarios that could have saved our relationship, but I now understand that there are times that things just don’t work out. This morning I woke up to read a text message from my ex. I loved this person very much, and I still do. However, I now understand that I don’t want to go down that route again. My old blog and diaries reinforced this because all I talked about was how unhappy I was with all the stuff that happened between us. I am not going to let history repeat itself.

My life now is different than it was when I first started this blog. I am so much happier now than before. I smile effortlessly, rarely complain, and I will try anything once, even if I might fail. I replied back to my ex, who said how life is better now:

I am happy that you are happy. You will now find people who are a reflection of you. I wish you luck.

My ex kept texting about seeing me again and how I special I am. However, I didn’t respond. For the first time, I realize that it’s called the past for a reason.