Posts tagged ‘past loves’

The Only Regret in My Life

4 August, 2009 | dcfemella | Comments
day 121 – regrets, originally uploaded by volveta96 – Maria.

I use to be a firm believer that one should never have regrets.  However, recent events have made me change my mind.  The only regrets that people should have is when they continue making the same mistake over and over again.  I need to leave everything and everyone in the past.  I remember this guy I knew who told me that even though he loved his ex-girlfriend, when they broke up, he never looked back.  Even when she came back wanting another chance, he said no.  I asked him why, and he responded.

“There is a reason that it didn’t work out the first time.”

He was right.  If it didn’t work out the first, second, third time, what makes you think that it will work out now?  More than likely, it won’t, especially when the other person is playing games or trying to get revenge for the past.  I came to realize that this person just wanted to use me and pretend to be different just to hurt me.  Even with that, I wish that person the best and hope that one day that person can be happy.

There you have it.  The only regret I have is repeating the mistake of letting this person who did everything to destroy me in the past return to my life.  One of my flaws (and also assets) is being too forgiving with the people I care about, and always wanting to think the best of people.  I won’t stop doing that, but I will also be more cautious.  I really am sick and tired of letting people who are bad for me back into my life.  It’s time that I stop.

No more regrets


Are You My Secret Admirer?

The secret admirer, originally uploaded by dougellin.

I am at work counting down to when I can finally cut out and head to Isabelle’s Kindergarten graduation when I get a call.

“Hello?”

“Is this Shevonne Polastre?” says a husky voice at the other end of the phone.

“Yes?”

“Hi, I have some flowers for you.”

I am somewhat hard of hearing (I need subtitles when I watch movies), so I thought that I heard wrong.  Also, I have never received flowers, except once.  I was 19, and my date gave me a single rose on our first date.  Therefore, it has been a long time.

“Excuse me?”

“I am at your house, and I have some flowers for you.”

“Oh! Err…ummmm…could you leave them in front of my door?  I’m at work” I responded.

“Ok, will do.”

We exchanged goodbyes, and I am left here wondering who sent me flowers?  I went through the usual suspects.  I contacted the ones I still talk to, and they all said no.  This feeling that I have is something that I haven’t felt since high school.  The giddiness of a secret admirer who secretly worships you without ever revealing who he/she is.

There is one person left, but I seriously doubt that it’s him.  The last time we communicated was his goodbye email to me saying that he was done with our relationship.  It took me awhile, but I have finally come to terms that it is over, and now I get these secret flowers?  Is it him?  Is this his way of apologizing?  No, I felt when I got that email that it was finally the end.

Then who is it?  In a way, I hope the card is blank or is signed “Your Secret Admirer,” so I can keep this feeling.  It will probably be the last time that I feel this way, and I don’t want to lose it.