Last night I watched “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” for the first time since I bought the DVD back in May when the movie was released. Even though I wanted to watch it, I couldn’t bring myself to doing it. When I watched this movie at the theater, I cried the entire day. I remember calling my mom and talking about how much it reminded me of my ex, who I had recently broken up with.   I didn’t really understand why it did until I watched it this time around.

They loved each other so much, but he realized he had to let her go (I won’t reveal more than that in case you haven’t seen it).  He knew he had to because all he was going to do was cause her grief and pain.  My eyes weren’t dry for long cause I realized that’s what G. had done for me.  I spent the entire night writing in my diary, crying, and re-reading his letters to me, especially his goodbye letter.  How could I have not realized what he was actually doing?

Right after watching the movie, I checked out PostSecret and saw this postcard that made me wonder if he had sent it.  I talked to my sister in Afghanistan and told her what I finally figured out.  She responded,

“You just realized that?”

Yes, I did.  The pain I felt when he left was so unbearable that it shrouded me from the truth.  I thought he was being selfish and really not thinking about me.  How wrong I was to think that?  One night at 2:00 a.m.,  before the incident that made him doubt if he was good enough for me, he unexpectedly texted me.

“I think I could be completely yours.”

Last night was me letting go of the pain I felt for losing him.  He would have wanted me to find that person he thought he couldn’t be.  A person who is not suffering from depression, pain, and regret, and thought that he didn’t deserve the love I had for him.  This morning I woke up with a smile and a feeling that I will soon find that person who I will be with for the rest of my life.

I remember he once said when we were lying on his couch,

“You would do anything for me. Wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I would.  You would do anything for me too,” I smiled and nuzzled more into this chest.

He paused and squeezed me.

“Yes, actually I would.”

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, originally uploaded by Fabio Allves.

Attraction Principle # 29, originally uploaded by agent lover.

I don’t understand why we tend to always want the people who don’t treat us the way we should be treated.  My theory is that everyone wants a challenge.  They want to be the one who eventually “changes” the person.  I don’t know what it is, but I think it’s something that we need to stop.  There are plenty of nice people out there, but we never give them a chance.  Instead, we waste our time on people who will never do anything for us but give us a broken heart.

秒速５センチメートル

Originally uploaded by もりもり

How do you tell someone you miss him/her? Do you write that someone a letter? Email? Or do you call that person on the phone and profess how much you miss him/her? Do you lavish that person with gifts? Or do you prefer to send that person a homemade gift that is straight from the heart?

Missing a person is one of the hardest things that people can do. They always think about how that person is doing, how the person is, and always have that glimmer of hope that person will contact them. Whenever there is a chance that they are able to find out about that person, they will do anything possible to.

Usually though, all they have left are the memories that person has left behind. Maybe it’s their pride, that person’s pride, or fear of rejection that keep them from making any attempts to contact one another.

If I could contact the people I miss, I would say to them these simple words:

Let’s forget the past; forget the future; and let’s just make the present work.