Posts tagged ‘Home’

School Gets That Labels Hurt Children

11 August, 2009 | dcfemella | Comments

back to school blackboard, originally uploaded by mystockphoto.

This morning, after I had left the house, my cell phone rang.

“Shevonne speaking,” I answered.  I don’t know why I never say hello anymore.  It’s just something I haven’t done in years.

“Hi, Ms. Polastre.  This is Mrs. Bacon.”

It was my son’s (and soon-to-be daughter’s) school principal.

At the end of December, after my ex started to become more and more MIA from the kids’ lives, my son started acting up in school.  The counselor, teacher, and principal didn’t label him a “bully,” like they would have done at other schools.  They would call and email me to let me know how he was doing, they put him in counseling sessions at school, and would praise him when he behaved. At my end, I sat down with him and told him that it isn’t his fault that his father is not more involved.

It was very important to me that my son not be labeled a “bully” or any similar words.  When you start throwing labels out to children, they start believing them and playing the part.  You could even say that it happens to adults as well.  My parents would always have labels for my sisters and me, and I saw how it affected us.  I don’t want that to happen to my children.  I told them this, and they wholeheartedly agreed that labels do not help.

The principal and I chitchatted for awhile, and she then asked to talk to Cebastian.

“Hi, Mrs. Bacon,” he said.

By his smile, I could tell she said some nice things, and then he said goodbye and handed the phone back to me.

“Ms. Polastre, I just wanted to tell you that I hand picked your son’s second grade teacher.”

“Is she strict?” I asked.

“Yes, she is.  However, I didn’t want her to be so strict that it suffocates his individuality because he is a very unique person.  She will be perfect for him,” she said.

This is how schools should be.  I can tell that she genuinely cares for the students that attend the school.  When I was going to school, the counselors and principal didn’t care to really interact with their students.  If someone misbehaved, instead of working with the parents, they would label them and not deal with the issue behind the superficial one.  They didn’t know anything about their students’ personalities.

My children’s school is definitely different.  They get that a school is part of the community, and that it takes a community to raise a child; not just the parents.  I am not saying that parents are not the core of a child’s upbringing, but their environment also helps mold that child.

Who Wears the Pants: Your Kids or You?

Spoiled

Originally uploaded by brettitaya

Parenting is trial and error. You try and figure out what works and what doesn’t. Since I was pregnant with my first born, I have read every parenting book that has come out. I wanted to make sure that I was the best possible mother. As every parent, there have been mistakes that I have made, but I learned from them and tried to not repeat them again.

My sister called this morning saying that she is really upset with my ten-year old niece. She reprimanded her about something, and my niece started talking back and slamming things. Her fiancee and her told my niece to stop, and she kept doing it. My sister spanked her and my niece started yelling at her. She is sending her to sleepaway camp with equestrian lessons, and then throwing her a birthday party when she returns. I told her to cancel the birthday party because it’s too late to cancel the camp. She hesitated.

“Should I?”

“YES!”

She said that she knows I am right, but she would lose $100. I told her to lose the money, and make my niece pay for it doing extra chores and not getting her a birthday present. My sister said that she asked my daughter Isabelle, who is at her house, the following question:

“Do you know why Kayla got in trouble?”

“Yes, cause she talked back to her mommy,” Isabelle answered.

“Do you think that is bad?”

“Yes! Cebastian and I NEVER talk back to mommy because we would get in TONS of trouble.”

She said that she sees how different Cebastian and Isabelle are compared to her children, now that they are with her. My sister has never watched my kids. This is the first time she has ever had the with her for longer than a day, so she is finally seeing the differences on how her kids behave and mine. My niece and nephew don’t help her clean, talk back, and don’t respect her the way they should. Even with this, she gives them whatever they want and defends them when they are rude. When they are with me, they don’t act the same way. I used to think it was because children usually behave one way with their parents than they do with others, but it’s cause they no that I don’t play.

I told my sister that she needs to understand that she is not doing her children any justice by giving them everything they want, even when they don’t deserve it. If I were her, I would make that girl realize how it would be if she didn’t have everything that she has now. I know that I am a strict parent, but I want my children to not be brats, now and in the future. I hope my sister learns that as well and stops spoiling her children.

How I Gave My Kids More Responsibilities

“Stressful to get there, but definitely worth it!”

How I did it: I looked at different parenting sites to see what are the age-appropriate chores for school-aged kids.  I started with one new responsibility and then added a new one every week.

My daughter was a little hard to get on board, but with consistency, she finally started doing her chores.  
I’m so glad that I finally did this because I was going insane with all the chores around the house.  I’m a natural control freak, but I am glad that I finally let go of some control and delegated to the kids.  
This is what I got from About.com:

These school age kids may or may not still have their childlike enthusiasm for completing chores. What they do have, however, is an overwhelming desire to be independent. Parents and caregivers can guide children to become independent in their chores, using chore charts to keep track of their responsibilities both completed and pending.

Some chores that they are capable of in addition to the ones above…
Take care of pets.
Vacuum and mop.
Take out trash.
Fold and put away laundry

Lessons & tips:

  1. Don’t give up
  2. Consistency is key! 
  3. Even if they don’t do it like you would do it, praise them and don’t try to fix it 

Resources:

  1. About.com
  2. BabyCenter
  3. Parenting.com 

It took me 25 days.

It made me happy cause it was worth it!


Going to Party Like It’s 1999? Err…I Mean 2009

1 January, 2009 | dcfemella | Comments

New Year’s Album

Out of the eight New Year celebrations I have celebrated in the 2000s, I will have to say that this was the best. My parents, children, and Haji were with me. I had an awesome spread that Martha Stewart would have been proud of. I should have invited more people over because now I have tons of champagne, wine, and food. There is always the weekend to invite people over.  There is also the Three Kings on Janauary 6th, and then the family is coming from Panama on the 8th.  Oh, and my younger sister coming in January or April.

The start of this year feels different. I feel confident, alive, and sure of myself. Other than love, I feel the rest of my life categories are doing pretty good.

  1. Self - I am off antidepressants, writing every day, and ready to start learning a new language. Now that my sister said she will still be in Okinawa after her deployment, I am wondering if maybe Japanese would be better than French to learn.
  2. Family - I have great children who seem happy. We have a wonderful extended family who are there with us whenever we need them. I want to really make an effort to talk to them in Spanish and not be so exasperated with them when they are not behaving. I can’t wait to head to Panama with them.
  3. Health – I am at the weight that I want to be. My body is looking great, and I am drinking eight to ten glasses of water. My emotional health is getting there. The only thing I am worried about is the back/hip pain that I am experiencing. Time to make a doctor’s appointment.
  4. Fun – I didn’t have much fun this year. The only trip I took was a horrible mess. I wanted to take a solo trip, but fear kept me from doing that. This year is different. I already have a LA trip planned in January. The kids and I are heading to Panama in April, and I plan on making the best of life.
  5. Money – I did well last year. I bought a house, saved tons of money, and kept my debt to a minimum. This year I am going to be debt free and save more a month. My biggest motivator is viewing the world.
  6. Career – At my full-time job, I want to get a raise, and make a certain amount in my part-time freelance career. I am already off to a good start, and I am not going to let anything get in my way.

I am not much of a resolutions-kinda gal. What I usually do is create a five-year plan, break it down into yearly goals, and then break those down into monthly, and then into daily goals. Depression made me procrastinate and not care much about myself. I am now happier (even though I don’t have Grover), and I plan to remain that way.

Check out my Dreaming in DC blog for details on my progress:

I hope that everyone is able to fulfill everything they want out of life. Life is too short to wait for opportunities and happiness to fall on your lap. Remember that.

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MISSION FAILED: Create a Gingerbread House

13 December, 2008 | dcfemella | Comments

The kids and I tried to make a gingerbread house.  We failed miserably.  It kept falling apart because the icing wouldn’t hold it.  I attempted to cheat with glue, but that didn’t work either.  They kept saying they needed their abuela there, so my mom got one that we are going to try to put together tomorrow.  At least I got some cute pictures!

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