DC Femella

Awhile ago, I posted the top ten songs, poems, and movies to hear and see when you are suffering from a broken heart.  I’m starting to feel better about a lot of things.  Accept everything that happened and realize that there are things that I am unable to control.  All I can do is be strong, and continue trekking on.  Life is too short to be so miserable.  If I died tomorrow, would I really want my last days on Earth to be moping around aching for someone who never really cared much about me to begin with?  No.

I created this Rhapsody playlist when I was enduring all that pain. Art in all forms can help you get through many hard parts in your life. They make you realize that there is someone out there who has gone through what you are going through, so you are not alone.  Also, that you will be alright.

Here is the playlist that I created, which you are able to listen to by pressing the Play icon. I hope that it can probably help someone out there.

Only for the Brokenhearted

Never Too Late by Three Days Grace

Better In Time by Leona Lewis

Aunque no te pueda ver by Alex Ubago

The Winner Takes It All by ABBA

Sin Miedo A Nada by Alex Ubago

The Story by Brandi Carlile

Through The Fire by Chaka Khan

Behind (Callea Club Mix) by Flanders

Hurt by Christina Aguilera

Prayer by Disturbed

Remember by Disturbed

I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues by Elton John

Tu Vacio by Enrique Iglesias

Solo En Ti by Enrique Iglesias

I Could Fall In Love With You by Erasure

Crazy On You by Heart

Heartless by Kanye West

Deseos De Cosas Imposibles by La Oreja De Van Gogh

West End Girls by Pet Shop Boys

Love Song by 311

Adia by Sarah McLachlan

Do What You Have To Do by Sarah McLachlan

I Love You by Sarah McLachlan

Someday by Soda Club

So Far Away by Staind

Get By by Talib Kweli

For All We Know by The Carpenters

Linger by The Cranberries

You Keep Me Hangin’ On by The Supremes

You Got Me by The Roots

Tardes Negras by Tiziano Ferro

Overload by Voodoo & Serano

White Flag by Dido

Saving All My Love For You by Whitney Houston

Last Night (Featuring Keyshia Cole) by Diddy

Torn by Natalie Imbruglia

Gotta Tell You  by Samantha Mumba

Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

Before the sunset, the kids play in the sand

Originally uploaded by joaobambu

I am currently trying to figure out what I’m going to do with the kids in the summer. It’s strange to me now that I am in the school-aged phase that it’s a huge deal what summer camps you choose for you kids. Every mother I speak to always adds “And what summer camps are you putting your children in?”

I know that Cebastian is going to an overnight camp for a week, and Isabelle might go to the one at her school. We might go to Italy (or definitely, a public beach). However, after that, i am pretty much clueless. The problem lies on how much these camps want. The cheapest camp is $340 a week. Let’s do the math:

$340 * 2 (kids) * 4 (weeks) = $2,720 a month

This is close to $3000 because this doesn’t include supplies and activity fees they love to add to this number. Also, my ex isn’t the type to really help. I can just see that conversation:

“Eric, I probably need a little extra for the kids’ summer camps.”

“Ummm…I give you child support, so sorry, take it from there.”

My coworker says that our neighborhood has a half-day summer camp that has tennis, pool, and walking on nature trails. However, I am pretty uncomfortable paying lifeguards to watch my kids until I get home. They are watching everyone else, so what happens if they miss my kid? I don’t know…maybe I am paranoid. I think if all else fails, the kids will go to Isabelle’s school, which is Cebstian’s old school.

I want my children to have a fun summer, but do I really have to pay this money for them to have fun? These summer camps know that working parents need to place their kids in something, so they are upping that price like crazy to kind of screw us. I really don’t know what people are living paycheck-to-paycheck do.

For school-aged parents out there, what are you doing with the kids this summer?

I woke up on Monday, and I was extremeley happy.  Life seems way too perfect for words.  All the pieces are starting to fall into place, and I have no more drama.  I think that out of all the things that I am getting for Christmas, peace and happiness are the best gifts that I could have received.  

1. Family - I am finally getting along with all of my family members.  It also helps that I have two of the cutest, greatest kids who I could have ever asked for.  My mom irritated me with her “I’m not watching the kids,” but then I found out her reasoning, and I understood.  My little sis is coming in January or February for a month, so I get to have one of my favorite people ever around during the cold, dreary days.
2. Friends – My friends are the best.  After spending the night at Dawne’s house that one night, I feel totally inspired.  She really opened up my eyes about a lot of things, and I can’t thank her enough.  Another thing I realized is that we are way too alike.  What’s up with that?  I also have my friends Bridget and Tanya who gave me great advice when all the Laura drama was going on.  This weekend I am suppose to hang out with Dawne and Shauna, and I can’t wait.  I am going to take tons of pictures with my new camera.  
3. New Friends – I have met some great people this year who I hope I can get to know more.  Bernadette and Heather are so sweet, and I hope that I can become closer to them.  Heather and I are suppose to head to the movies this weekend.  I hope she doesn’t think I am such a movie snob.  
4. Love Life – TBD
5. Trips – LA, Italy, and Panama are all coming up, and I am more than ready to venture out.  I might have to go to LA twice next year, so I can go when Tanya can.  Bridget, her, and I are going to drive to Las Vegas.  I love traveling, especially with people who know how to have a good time.  
6. Career - My career is going great, and my freelance writing is picking up.  I hope that in the next two years to turn that into a full-time gig.
7. Health – I love my body now.  It’s so strong and muscular.  I wish my stomach was a little tighter, but oh well, I can deal.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful holidays and that you think about the great things in your life, and the not the bad.

The weekend is here, and I am beyond happy.  I have been slaving away at work, and now I want to be able to relax and work on my business.  My friend D. wants to keep me company while I am totally depressed about my situation, so I am heading over to her place on Saturday night.  I would have done it today, but I want to be alone with Haji while I contemplate on what I am going to do with my life.  I have to write down some goals for myself and keep writing so I don’t keep thinking about G.  It’s over, and I can’t seem to think about it anymore without tearing up.  I guess the only thing that kills me is that he is the cause of everything that happened, but he decides to run away.  If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have spoken to L., and I wouldn’t be in the predicament that I was in.  D. had her own issues, and her boyfriend stuck by her, and he didn’t even CAUSE IT!  G. totally abandons me. It proves that he didn’t love me enough.  It seems to be the trend with him. Never enough.

I’m 30 and I’ve accepted the fact that I’m going to remain alone.  I think in the 30 years of life, I’ve only had one relationship where I felt like I had a companion.  It’s funny but once I went to a Palm Reader (keep your chuckles to yourselves), and she basically told me that I would never be with anyone. 

I’m fine with it.  I just want to have two more children.  I already told my mom that if I am not married by 33, I am going to get artificially inseminated.  She freaked because she is totally afraid that I will be 100% lesbian.  Whatever, I really don’t seem to care what people think about me at this point.  I just want to find some form of happiness.  It’s something that I haven’t been able to attain for such a long time. 

Totally off topic, but I am sick and tired of my office neighbor passing gas like it’s going out of style.  How much gas can this man pass?  It’s disgusting.  At least say, “EXCUSE ME!”

I hope that everyone has a lovely weekend and that it’s full of hope, passion, and love.

I’m so in love that I can’t think about anything else, but that feeling. It’s exhilarating feeling that you almost have everything you’ve always wanted: the man of my dreams, my children, great career, amazing health, wonderful friends, and happy. I haven’t been happy for a very long time, so I am feeling kind of weird about it. It feels too good to be true, and I’m afraid that in an instant, I am going to lose it all. Happiness is a feeling that everyone covets, and I finally have it.

My past relationship wasn’t the best. The person was constantly cheating, lying, BREAKING MY SHIT, and a drama starter. My drama-free life was all of a sudden consumed with it when I was with this person. I feel bad because after Eric, I vowed never to allow myself to get into a horrible relationship where there was a lack of respect and honesty. Lo and behold, I was in one again.  Everyone who met this person told me there was something wanting in this person’s eyes. I still care for this person, but I know it’s for the best.

Grover has always been my sanity throughout all of it. He would listen to me and give me the best advice.  Every time we stopped speaking, I felt sad and lost. I secretly cried because I didn’t have him in my life.  The last time we stopped speaking, I became a total hermit because I didn’t care about anything, but the kids.  I tried to start dating a few times, but they never compared to him.  Now, I have him completely in my life. Even if we don’t last as a couple, I know we will last as friends.

He told me that whenever I smile at him, he feels like he loses all reason.  He said that he smiles more when I’m around.  Also, that he wants to be with me the rest of our lives.  We are planning a trip in January, so I am excited for that.  I wanted to go skydiving this month, but he wants to wait til the weather gets better cause he knows I hate the cold.   I wanted to because I want to get rid of my fear of heights, and also I want to do it so I can feel like I finally have wings.

I’ve always felt like Marianne in “Sense and Sensibility” with Willoughby. I now feel like Marianne and Willoughby have been given a second chance through us.  This video is Marianne reciting Shakespeare Sonnet 116.  It describes how ideal love should be.  I use to watch this scene and cry cause I had lost that, but now I found it again.