Tulip Festival 2, originally uploaded by vijayal.

Dear Readers,

Today is “Open Letter’ Thursday, which is an idea that I got from my Cali girl Katie. Definitely check out her blog. It’s very well written and straight from the heart.

I miss gardening. This is the only part that I miss from living with my ex.  Before then, I never even wanted to step foot in my parents’ garden. When I had my own, I was constantly adding flowers, shrubs, and even trees.  The smell of the lavender; knowing that spring has arrived by the tulips and daffodils; and knowing it was summer by the sprouting of purple flowers coming from the hostas.

Now, I live in a condo, and I don’t have the luxury of planting and growing my own plans.  All I can do is admire the ones around me.  Sometimes I remember the life I used to have before the one I have now, and I have to say that I feel like a seed that is slowly blooming into a beautiful flower that can withstand anything.  My life has been full of changes, and like plants I have found a way to grow and push through the weeds.

Thinking about it, I guess I am gardening my life.  I guess that is good enough until I can have a backyard full of flowers.

Write an Open Letter on your blog, and include a link to Jiggety Jigg.

Cupcake Party, originally uploaded by dreamingindc.

Today was Cebastian’s Cupcake Party to say goodbye to his last days of First grade. Tomorrow is Isabelle’s Kindergarten graduation, and she will be heading to Cebastian’s school. I know that before the week is over, I am going to cry knowing that my children are one day not going to be children. They will one day be adults and have their own families and lives.

I have always been overprotective of my children, so I don’t know how I am going to let them go. I wonder if I am going to be the meddling mother who is always trying to tell them what to do, even when they are 50. Eventually, I will have to though and hope that I gave them the skills to be functioning adults. My paranoia with something happening to them is over extreme, so I am not sure how I will do this.

Scary thing happened yesterday that tested this:

I come to my son’s babysitter house, and I see him crying outside her door saying that no one was home. Her kids weren’t on the bus either. I called her and emailed her saying that I will make sure she never watches children again. It’s sad that this woman is a mother and is so inconsiderate. However, my sister says that maybe something happened to her, so I should call the police. I am still debating cause I don’t want to waste the police’s time on checking up on this woman, and finding out she was just being negligent.

This situation stressed me out because all the “what-if” scenarios that ran through my head. Someone could have taken him or he could have gotten hurt. Luckily he did what I always told him and just sit where everyone can watch him and not move.

I think I am overly paranoid and protective of my children, but they are my everything: my companions, my true loves, my happiness, and I can keep going. My life without them would have no meaning.

Cebastian and Isabelle,

I know that one day I will have to let you go, so that is why I am now living in the present and not thinking about the past or future. I want you to know that having you has been the best part of my life. Life before you didn’t exist. I will always love and be proud of you.

Love,

Your Mom