42.365 – My Freedom, originally uploaded by nikilynn.

Before I hit rock bottom last fall, I had this mentality that everyone and everyone was to blame for what was happening to me except me. This is until I really started to look within myself and realized that all the issues I had were eventually my fault. I started reading books, like “Think and Grow Rich,” “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” “The Good Earth,” and the “The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich.” Even if someone or something was causing the turmoil, I always had a choice.

One of the examples Covey has in his book is of a woman who attended one of his seminars. She came up to him, and said how is having a horrible boss and hating her job, her fault. He said that it’s because she chooses to stay in that position, and not go elsewhere. It’s something that I have learned, and I am happy for it. If I do not like the way I am being treated, and I feel unhappy, then I need to leave the situation.

Before I had Cebastian, I worked for this IT company that was known not to treat their employees the best. The first contract that I was on was great because my Manager shielded us from all the crazy BS that was going on. When we lost the contract, I already had Cebastian, but my boss told me to get out. I was afraid and didn’t listen, so I remained. She was right. The next contract was horrible due to my new Manager and the new employees. It got to the point that I was seeing a counselor due to the crazy amounts of stress from these people. We had the capability of telecommuting. My Manager did it all the time, allowed the people he liked to do it, but for me, no. He finally fired me after I came in for the second time at 8:03 a.m. instead of 8:00 a.m. At that time, I had two babies, was living with a boyfriend who didn’t help financially for anything, and had crazy amounts of debt. However, I vowed that I would never be pushed into a position that I felt was a bad fit, regardless of how much pressure.

I now find myself about to be laid off at the end of July. At first, they said June, but they extended it to July. I have interviewed for a few positions, but I have only liked one. However, I didn’t get that position. The most recent one was in Arlington, VA on the client site. When I was on the interview, they said they were going to be relocating to Bolling Air Force Base, which would probably take me two hours to get to, in less than a year. My intuition told me to not take it.

Another red flag was the Manager who contacted me. I was at work, and my cell rang, and I was in the middle of something, so I let it go to voicemail. He called a second time right away. After that, he called my work number. I told him that I had to think about the position. We got off the phone, and he sends me an email. This is a tell-tale sign of a micro-manager. I responded saying that I am contemplating everything because I was also worried about the lack of telecommuting options. He said that was something that they couldn’t accommodate, and to please respond by the end of the day.  An hour had not passed before a recruiter contacted me. She said that the Manager had contacted her to call me. I had a WTF moment, but I tried to remain calm. I told her I would know in the next half hour. I thought about my life now and how it will be altered if I don’t have a job, but then I thought my happiness and the ability to always be there for my kids, so I emailed him and said that I am sorry, but no thanks.

Today I come into the office, and I have an email from my current Manager saying that the higher ups have been told that I turned down the position, and they want to know why. I basically responded that I had to think about my family, and so I couldn’t take the position.

At the end of the day, I might be broke and jobless, but my children will grow up remembering that I was with them every step of the way, and that is all that matters.

I’m reading “The Good Earth” again. The first time I read it, I didn’t pay as much attention as I should have because his voice is kind of easy to get swayed into thinking about other things. I’m listening and reading it now. I found a copy on Scribd, awesome site. Tolle says something that I have been doing. Lately, all I do is talk about what is lacking in my life, but I need to focus on what is already good in it.

These are the things that I am happy about:

1. Children
2. Family
3. Physical Appearance (for the most part)
4. Health
5. Personality
6. Stable Job
7. Direction
8. Home for my children
9. Almost debt free

Think about that. What makes you happy? Forget about what is lacking for once.