, originally uploaded by -emmaphotos.
When you are young, there is always that older person who will remind you that one day you will be just like your parents. You shake your head profusely and vow that you will be the one to break the cycle. Then, you wake up one day, look in the mirror, and see the reflection of your parents staring back at you.
My mother has never been satisfied with anything that my sisters and dad have done for her. She is always complaining and criticizing everything that we do. When we were younger, she would always compare us to other girls, but it was usually us not being as graceful, pretty, or well mannered as the latter. I don’t think she meant to do these things, but she is just someone who is never happy with anything. Being that we were the closest people to her, we got the worst of it.
When I was a teenager, my mother’s criticisms intensified. My sisters and I walked on eggshells whenever we were around her, and made sure never to talk about our private lives because we were afraid of the insults that would come out of my mother’s mouth. For a very long time, I didn’t live my life. Yes, I went out with friends and had a good time, but I never really did the things that I wanted to do because I was afraid of what my mother would think.
My father didn’t help either. He would be very passive aggressive with us, and make us feel like all the problems my mother and him had were our doing. I contemplated running away various times, but I didn’t because of my younger sister. I knew that she would have to deal with them alone if I did something like that, so I stayed. My mother always reminded us of the mother from “The Virgin Suicides.” My sisters and I were happy that we never did go that route, even though the mother wasn’t even as bad as ours.
The Staind song “For You” seems to have been written for my parents. Here is the video, and the lyrics can be found here:
I love my parents, and they have recognized one or two of their bad behavior and started to make improvements. However, many of their criticisms and passive-aggressive behavior remains. I don’t let it run my life anymore. If they begin with their snide comments, I leave. I don’t stay and let it get to me anymore.
I think this is one of the reasons that for a long time, I was basked in negativity. Everything and everyone bothered me, and nothing was good enough. I was constantly complaining, but I never did anything about it. It’s not a good way to be, and in the end, you are miserable as all hell. Additionally, you tend to attract people who are in the same state of mind – negative, constantly complaining, and have that victim mindset.
I have broken the vicious cycle. I used to be like my parents, but now I have become a different person. People, who have known me for a long time, see and recognize this. This is why it is my quest in life to be an amazing mother. When I was pregnant with Cebastian, I took a birthing class. One of the sessions was “Your Parents.” The other couple, who also had major issues with their parents, my sister (who was my coach), and I bonded over fear of making the same mistakes as our parents. We wanted to always be there for them, support them, and make them feel special.
I want my children to want to be like me, and not cringe when someone mentions that they probably will. I now can look in the mirror, and see myself, instead of the parents.
