DC Femella

The secret admirer, originally uploaded by dougellin.

I am at work counting down to when I can finally cut out and head to Isabelle’s Kindergarten graduation when I get a call.

“Hello?”

“Is this Shevonne Polastre?” says a husky voice at the other end of the phone.

“Yes?”

“Hi, I have some flowers for you.”

I am somewhat hard of hearing (I need subtitles when I watch movies), so I thought that I heard wrong.  Also, I have never received flowers, except once.  I was 19, and my date gave me a single rose on our first date.  Therefore, it has been a long time.

“Excuse me?”

“I am at your house, and I have some flowers for you.”

“Oh! Err…ummmm…could you leave them in front of my door?  I’m at work” I responded.

“Ok, will do.”

We exchanged goodbyes, and I am left here wondering who sent me flowers?  I went through the usual suspects.  I contacted the ones I still talk to, and they all said no.  This feeling that I have is something that I haven’t felt since high school.  The giddiness of a secret admirer who secretly worships you without ever revealing who he/she is.

There is one person left, but I seriously doubt that it’s him.  The last time we communicated was his goodbye email to me saying that he was done with our relationship.  It took me awhile, but I have finally come to terms that it is over, and now I get these secret flowers?  Is it him?  Is this his way of apologizing?  No, I felt when I got that email that it was finally the end.

Then who is it?  In a way, I hope the card is blank or is signed “Your Secret Admirer,” so I can keep this feeling.  It will probably be the last time that I feel this way, and I don’t want to lose it.

No Broken Hearts

Originally uploaded by Mykl Roventine

One of my favorite books, “The Long Walk Home,” discussed the broken heart of the main character. She is grief stricken to the point where she can’t eat, sleep, or speak. Her aunt tells her that one day she will break up and be ok. The day finally comes, and she IS ok. Here are the five ways you know when you are over an ex.

1. You barely think about him/her - I use to wonder about this person all the time, but now I don’t care. The only time that I do is when I see something that does remind me of that person. The constant thoughts diminished, and you see yourself thinking about more important things.

2. You are totally cool about him/her dating someone else - At first, you feel this gut-wrenching jealousy that he/she is with someone else. Let me tell you that the feeling goes away. You actually start feeling sorry for this new person because she doesn’t realize what she is getting herself into.

3. You see a picture of him/her in the arms of the other person and you all think is “Meh” – Nothing bothers you anymore. You actually don’t even think about it and just go on about your business.

4. Not attracted to him/her – You look at your ex’s picture, and you do not even find him/her attractive anymore. You can see why you did, but that person is not for you anymore. It makes you wonder if he/she ever was.

5. Wonder what you were thinking - Sanity comes in to play when you laugh about how dumb you were to be broken hearted over such a person. “What was I thinking?” is all you can think about when you do think about this person. This is the final step.

One thing I have to say is that a broken heart heals, and you only need yourself to make sure that happens.  

Two people drifting apart is a way of life.  Maybe they both started off on the same level, but then one was left behind.  This is what happened with my ex (father of my kids) and me.  While I am extremely ambitious, focused on my children, and have a hunger for learning, he is the total opposite.  I got my college degree while I was about to pop with both kids with no help from him, even though we were living together.  I dropped the kids off at my parents so I could go to school.  He doesn’t see the kids but four days out of the month, and he has not gone back to school.  He asked for my help once, and I gave him all this information.  Nothing.  

I didn’t realize how much this guy was jealous of me and my achievements until he came for Christmas Eve.

The entire time he was at my condo, he was sizing it up.  Additionally, he kept criticizing everything. 

• “The litter box should be some place else”
• “Your kitchen floors are not right”
• “Your bathroom toilet is running”
• “I think your refrigerator is broken”

I ignored him because I realized it was just jealousy that I bought my own place in Fairfax, while he has a house that is falling apart in Fredericksburg.  

He spent the entire time on his laptop, which made me wonder why he even bothered to show up.  Instead of researching to find a good college or something to that extent, he was playing a Vampire game on Myspace.  Hello!  Myspace was sooooo 2007.  

He bitched about taking out the trash for me; helping me hook up the Wii; and anything under the sun.

He lacks the culture that a 32-year old man should have.  He didn’t know what proscioutto was; kept asking what this and that was when I got Cheesecake Factory appetizers; and looked awkward holding a glass of good, red wine.  

I noticed all of this and wondered how I ever was involved with such a uncultured, lazy man.  I think he realized that he was outclassed because he didn’t even spend Christmas with his kids.

He is now upset because of this, so he has resorted to being the dick he usually is.  

1. He is refusing to sign the passport form, so I can get the kids’ passport for Panama, so I might have to cancel the trip.  =(
2. He was calling every day to talk to his kids for a month cause we were getting along.  Now?  He is back to his old ways.  He didn’t even call the kids to wish them a happy new years.  
3. He called me two days after Christmas Even to say that my son might have learning issues.  Since my son was two, I have been taking him to speech therapy, volunteering at his school, teaching him on my own.  The teachers say he is one of the smartest kids in the class.  This guy has never even met the kids’ teachers or anything, but he slammed the phone when I said that he doesn’t know what he is talking about.

I wish he would just terminate his rights.  He doesn’t do anything except show my kids that he is a lazy, uneducated loser who still behaves as though he is in his early twenties.  

I’m shocked that he is still the way he is.  This is the first time since 2004 that I have been in the same roof as him.  I thought that maybe time had made him mature, but I have realized that he is the same uncultured, uneducated guy I met when I was 21.  

I hope he one day wakes up, or that he finds a strong woman who will help him with his disabilities. 

I remember a very wise guy friend once told me that women attempt to be friends with their exes right away when they were the ones to do the breaking because they feel a type of guilt.  On the other hand, men try to stay as far away as possible when they were the initiators.  From this past experience, I am done trying to befriend my exes way too early.  There is still tons of resentment, hurt, and pain.  How can you let go of these feelings if you are still talking every day?

After L.’s constant insults, guilt trips, and attempts to make my life look pale in comparison, I can’t do it anymore.  Now I get a text from L saying that someone has been calling with death threats.  Guess who was the first person to be accused?  Me? L. was super psychotic throughout our entire relationship, but I am the one that would do something like that?  It isn’t her crazy, lunatic ex who kept calling her last week.  No, it’s me has to be forced to speak. 

I texted back, “F* you for thinking I would do something like that,” and have ignored the rest of the texts.

Drama that ensues when L. is in my life is gone, and I don’t intend to bring it back.

Yesterday, I tried going grocery shopping at Wegmans. It was horrible. There were tons of people there. It was to the point that you couldn’t move, so I decided to do Peapod. I haven’t done it since I was working in DC (never again), but now that I am super busy, I think it’s time to do it again. Here we are awaiting the arrival of the groceries. The kids did their homework, we are watching Monsterquest, and I am typing away. It doesn’t help that I am cleaning the oven, so it smells pretty gross in here. Yesterday, an entire apple pie landed at the bottom of the oven. It wasn’t very pretty, so now I have to sit here and smell the self cleaner. The kids keep asking when the groceries are coming, and all I can say is that they have til 9:30. Yawn. I’m probably being super patient because I went to my spin class today. I had to after dealing with my ex this entire weekend.

He had the kids this weekend, but the kids both had games. I told him to put Isabelle’s soccer outfit on while Cebastian raced. When I arrive, she is wearing this dirty outfit. I was so upset. I told him to go to the car and change her. After her crying, he finally got up and took her. My mother and cousin came, so I was glad to have other people there to talk to. We head to Wendys to eat lunch. He turns to me and says, “You are going to have to pay for their lunch because I don’t have any money.” It’s his weekend, and he didn’t think that the kids would need lunch? I paid for my kids’ foods. For a minute, i think he thought I was going to pay for his as well, but he was very wrong.

Yesterday, he says for us to meet at seven. I told him to make sure the kids eat dinner. When I arrive, they hadn’t eaten. I was so pissed, but I have realized there is no point of arguing with this guy. As always, the clothes the kids had on Friday are missing. I just said to him on Gmail if he could please ensure that he gives me back their clothes. He said ok, but I know better.

I think he tries to do the opposite of what I ask him on purpose. It’s like he thinks he is a man if he doesn’t do what I ask. I guess I will just start telling him the oppositeof what I want him to do. Maybe that will help.