DC Femella

Two people drifting apart is a way of life.  Maybe they both started off on the same level, but then one was left behind.  This is what happened with my ex (father of my kids) and me.  While I am extremely ambitious, focused on my children, and have a hunger for learning, he is the total opposite.  I got my college degree while I was about to pop with both kids with no help from him, even though we were living together.  I dropped the kids off at my parents so I could go to school.  He doesn’t see the kids but four days out of the week, and he has not gone back to school.  He asked for my help once, and I gave him all this information.  Nothing.  

I didn’t realize how much this guy was jealous of me and my achievements until he came for Christmas Eve.

The entire time he was at my condo, he was sizing it up.  Additionally, he kept criticizing everything. 

• “The litter box should be some place else”
• “Your kitchen floors are not right”
• “Your bathroom toilet is running”
• “I think your refrigerator is broken”

I ignored him because I realized it was just jealousy that I bought my own place in Fairfax, while he has a house that is falling apart in Fredericksburg.  

He spent the entire time on his laptop, which made me wonder why he even bothered to show up.  Instead of researching to find a good college or something to that extent, he was playing a Vampire game on Myspace.  Hello!  Myspace was sooooo 2007.  

He bitched about taking out the trash for me; helping me hook up the Wii; and anything under the sun.

He lacks the culture that a 32-year old man should have.  He didn’t know what proscioutto was; kept asking what this and that was when I got Cheesecake Factory appetizers; and looked awkward holding a glass of good, red wine.  

I noticed all of this and wondered how I ever was involved with such a uncultured, lazy man.  I think he realized that he was outclassed because he didn’t even spend Christmas with his kids.

He is now upset because of this, so he has resorted to being the dick he usually is.  

1. He is refusing to sign the passport form, so I can get the kids’ passport for Panama, so I might have to cancel the trip.  =(
2. He was calling every day to talk to his kids for a month cause we were getting along.  Now?  He is back to his old ways.  He didn’t even call the kids to wish them a happy new years.  
3. He called me two days after Christmas Even to say that my son might have learning issues.  Since my son was two, I have been taking him to speech therapy, volunteering at his school, teaching him on my own.  The teachers say he is one of the smartest kids in the class.  This guy has never even met the kids’ teachers or anything, but he slammed the phone when I said that he doesn’t know what he is talking about.

I wish he would just terminate his rights.  He doesn’t do anything except show my kids that he is a lazy, uneducated loser who still behaves as though he is in his early twenties.  

I’m shocked that he is still the way he is.  This is the first time since 2004 that I have been in the same roof as him.  I thought that maybe time had made him mature, but I have realized that he is the same uncultured, uneducated guy I met when I was 21.  

I hope he one day wakes up, or that he finds a strong woman who will help him with his disabilities. 

I remember a very wise guy friend once told me that women attempt to be friends with their exes right away when they were the ones to do the breaking because they feel a type of guilt.  On the other hand, men try to stay as far away as possible when they were the initiators.  From this past experience, I am done trying to befriend my exes way too early.  There is still tons of resentment, hurt, and pain.  How can you let go of these feelings if you are still talking every day?

After L.’s constant insults, guilt trips, and attempts to make my life look pale in comparison, I can’t do it anymore.  Now I get a text from L saying that someone has been calling with death threats.  Guess who was the first person to be accused?  Me? L. was super psychotic throughout our entire relationship, but I am the one that would do something like that?  It isn’t her crazy, lunatic ex who kept calling her last week.  No, it’s me has to be forced to speak. 

I texted back, “F* you for thinking I would do something like that,” and have ignored the rest of the texts.

Drama that ensues when L. is in my life is gone, and I don’t intend to bring it back.

Yesterday, I tried going grocery shopping at Wegmans. It was horrible. There were tons of people there. It was to the point that you couldn’t move, so I decided to do Peapod. I haven’t done it since I was working in DC (never again), but now that I am super busy, I think it’s time to do it again. Here we are awaiting the arrival of the groceries. The kids did their homework, we are watching Monsterquest, and I am typing away. It doesn’t help that I am cleaning the oven, so it smells pretty gross in here. Yesterday, an entire apple pie landed at the bottom of the oven. It wasn’t very pretty, so now I have to sit here and smell the self cleaner. The kids keep asking when the groceries are coming, and all I can say is that they have til 9:30. Yawn. I’m probably being super patient because I went to my spin class today. I had to after dealing with my ex this entire weekend.

He had the kids this weekend, but the kids both had games. I told him to put Isabelle’s soccer outfit on while Cebastian raced. When I arrive, she is wearing this dirty outfit. I was so upset. I told him to go to the car and change her. After her crying, he finally got up and took her. My mother and cousin came, so I was glad to have other people there to talk to. We head to Wendys to eat lunch. He turns to me and says, “You are going to have to pay for their lunch because I don’t have any money.” It’s his weekend, and he didn’t think that the kids would need lunch? I paid for my kids’ foods. For a minute, i think he thought I was going to pay for his as well, but he was very wrong.

Yesterday, he says for us to meet at seven. I told him to make sure the kids eat dinner. When I arrive, they hadn’t eaten. I was so pissed, but I have realized there is no point of arguing with this guy. As always, the clothes the kids had on Friday are missing. I just said to him on Gmail if he could please ensure that he gives me back their clothes. He said ok, but I know better.

I think he tries to do the opposite of what I ask him on purpose. It’s like he thinks he is a man if he doesn’t do what I ask. I guess I will just start telling him the oppositeof what I want him to do. Maybe that will help.

My ex drives me insane. Yesterday, he never arrived at the location where he is suppose to return the children back to me, and never contacted me to notify me that he was running late. I’m slightly, maybe more than slightly, neurotic, so I began panicking. All these scenarios start running through head: car accident, emergency room, etc.

He doesn’t return any of my phone calls until an hour and a half later. His excuse? He overslept. Overslept? What?! I don’t take this very well, and begin screaming at him. He promptly hangs up. I call back again to let him know that now he will have to drive to my house to drop the kids off, which is an hour away from him. He informs me that I will meet him at the drop-off location. It’s my turn to hang-up.

Side story: I think I was more on edge because of the location that I chose for the “exchange.” I decided to meet him at a Shell gas station near where I use to live. I parked in a location where I wouldn’t bother anyone, but I was wrong. I waited for half an hour for this idiot, and I was flabbergasted at the amount of people that went to the restroom while I was waiting there. They looked me annoyed that I was in their ways, so much for not getting in the way.

Who uses the gas station restroom unless it’s totally necessary! I remember the one or two times that I was forced to use the gas station restroom, when I was younger and was traveling with my parents, I was disgusted. It might be the reason for my disdain of using public restrooms. There were Virginia plates using this bathroom. I counted, and 15 people used it while I was there. I can understand a Wawa restroom because it’s inside the store and they really clean it, but an outside gas station restroom? I was grossed out.

Back to the real story: He doesn’t arrive at my house until ten at night. I do not want him in my house because when I lived in these apartments, he would storm in and start checking every room. When I went outside, I notice he was acting nervous. I see my son Cebastian, but I don’t see my daughter Isabelle. I ask him where she is, and he answers that she is in the car. I begin walking over there, and he quickly stops me.

“I’ll get her.”

I was baffled, but I stopped in my tracks. I quickly realized why. I see someone who continues to stretch her neck like an ostrich to check me out. I figure that it’s the girlfriend. I realized at that moment that this guy hasn’t changed his cheating ways. He was just talking to my mother on Friday that he had broken up with this girl a month ago, and now he is dating a 22-year old girl who works with him. I feel sorry for her, but I am also relieved that I do not have to deal with this idiot. Another reason I am so irritated is because she is a single mother. As a single mother, I think it’s disgusting that he is playing with this girl’s heart when he knows that her son is very close to the children and him.

I grab my kids, and tell him that an email is awaiting his response when he gets home. The kids start their weird behavior. Every time they return from his house, they behave like total recluse. They don’t speak, they are extra clingy, and start behaving like the kids on Nanny 911. It takes me a day to de-program everything they learn at their father’s house. I can tell that he lets them run wild. I have read too many books and seen tons of SuperNanny and Nanny 911 to have children who behave like children with no structure.

This morning my son threw a fit because he left something in my car. A six-year old boy begins throwing a tantrum like a two-year old. I spanked him (yes, I believe in spanking), and put him in his room. Ten minutes later he resurfaces acting like his normal self. I am thankful that I only have to deal with this guy for four days out of the month. Exhausting.