DC Femella

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Originally uploaded by C.A. Bourke

Dating and love in general has been rough for me lately, so I have decided to date myself. My ex called and when I said that, my ex was flabbergasted.

“What? You don’t want to get back together?”

“Mmmmm…no, not really, I want to spoil myself. Sorry.”

I think that is something that everyone should do. Instead of constantly trying to be around others, you should consider taking time to really make yourself happy. My entire life has been spent trying to make others happy. I am a pretty selfless person, so I’ve always had others (e.g. sisters, parents, significant others, etc.) monopolize my time to the point that I never did anything for myself. This is coming to an end. I am learning how to say “no” and just be plain selfish.

I’ve only been doing it this week, and I am already smiling more and just excited about the activities that I choose to participate in. Try it. It will give you some peace of mind.

I am extremely old fashioned.  It’s the way I have always been, and I think it has to do with my parents raising us to think that men should open doors, let us get out of an elevator first, and pay on outings. 

The question is when should a woman finally pay for a date? 

My thoughts are that a woman should never pay for a date until she is in a committed relationship with a guy.  If she starts going dutch on every outing, will this make the guy not dote on her like he would a woman who doesn’t do this? 

But what if you know that the guy currently doesn’t have the tons of spending money because he has it tied in business endeavors? Should you pay for the occasional date?  For that manner, should I just be dating a woman? 

I have no idea what the right answer is.  Date two, three, four, five, and six…

As the self-proclaimed Research Queen, I began research on what “dating experts” have said should be the answer to this question.  It seems like they say that the first date should be on the guy.  However, after that, a woman should only pay if she initiates the date.  If the guy is struggling with money, then offer to go on cheap dates or cook for him.

Maybe I am too old fashioned.  Maybe I am used to guys who always pick up the tabs.  What if the right guy comes along?  Should I allow this to let me ruin the chance to be with a quality guy who is emotionally available and loves to be around me?  No, I think that it’s time I start changing my viewpoint and pick up the tab once in awhile.  Who knows!  He might be worth it.

I don’t know if I can do dating anymore. I started dating again after taking a two-year break, and after a month, I’m ready to give up. The DC dating scene is probably one of the worst in the country, and I’m tired of trying to find a decent guy. This area is full of pretentious, career-obsessed, emotionally unavailable freaks who say they want a relationship, but in reality, they really don’t.

Ever since the dot.com boom of 2000, this area hasn’t been the same. As a native, I have seen how it has changed for the worse because of all the transplants who have infested the area. Now it seems that the following has happened:

1. Men do not want any type of relationship until they are in their forties
2. Women are having children when they are in their late thirties because they don’t want to screw up their careers
3. Everyone has gotten uglier (I had to throw that one in there to see if you wee paying attention, but it’s true)
4. No one cares about their appearance anymore
5. Everyone is so detached

I want to put on “Suicide Club” for them, so they can understand that we don’t always have to be so disconnected from life. It saddens me that this area has become this way. Maybe other areas have as well, but I don’t live there. Even guys approaching girls has changed. It seems they only approach the easy targets because they don’t want their egos to be hurt. I don’t care for me, but I have seen my pretty friends who have guys checking them out, but they never come up to them. Later, you will see a Missed Connection on Craigslist. What do I think? Pathetic.

I posted a Yahoo! Personal ad to see what happens. I’ve had a bunch of guys who didn’t check out my preference. My checklist isn’t that bad anymore. I read this book called “Unhooked Generation” that opened my eyes. However, I still have one or two things that I prefer. Finally, I had three potentials that I was excited about.

1. The TV Producer decides he is moving to California, but he still wants to date. I’m not wasting my time, so that didn’t last.
2. The Lawyer was a strange character. I’m weird, but he took weirdness to another level.
3. The Scientist disappeared.

Talking to my other friends, it seems to be the trend. They either plan to move after the first date; they are different in person than their Internet persona; they never contact you again; or they are so focused on their career that they never have time.

I’m disillusioned, and I’m getting tired of this DC dating scene. I was talking to one of my best friends who lives in Kansas City. She was saying that down there guys want to get married and have children in their late twenties. We both deciphered that it’s cause they are more family oriented than the DC breed. When I went to Arizona, I was pleasantly surprised that there were young families everywhere.

I have decided that if I want to find a man to have a long-lasting relationship with, I have to either move away or find a guy who is older than 45. I am not wasting my time anymore. Last guy I wasted my time with turned out to be married, to my horror. I find this out after I Googled him for the first (I’m a Google before the first date believer now), had fallen in love with him and planned our wedding in my head. I just wonder how he was able to spend weekends and weekdays with me without his wife figuring out what was going on.

Do I want to find myself in that situation again? No!

Men in DC, here are a few tips for you:

1. Do not post an online ad when you plan to move or your career takes up 86% of your time.
2. If you just got out of a relationship, or are still in one, wait at least six months before you start finding someone else.
3. Be a man and just tell the woman that you are just not into her.
4. Stop being so disconnected and learn to compromise
5. If you see a girl you find attractive and interesting, approach her. The worst she can say is “I’m not interested.” Take the blow and move on to someone else.

I am going to give myself one more month. After that, I’m going to go on hiatus for another two years.

DC Men, I dedicate this song to you.  Korn’s “Wake Up,” Chipmunk Style.

Wake Up

I have started the dreaded task of dating.  Dating is something that I am not super fond of.  I haven’t been in a serious relationship with a man since 2005, so I am not sure how I will do in one now.  Nevertheless, I do want to get married and have two more children one day, so I guess it’s time that I venture out there.  The kids are ready for me to find someone as well because they keep talking about having a new baby sister or brother one day. 

I decided to try Yahoo! Personals after failing miserably with Match.  Match seems to be more for people that do not have children and don’t want to date anyone who has any.  I am not angry because everyone has their preference, and I want to find someone who is comfortable being around children.  One of my best friends found her fiancé on Yahoo!, so I took her advice and decided to give it a chance.  Yahoo! seems a better fit.  Thanks Dawne!

Right now there are three guys: a Scientist, a Lawyer, and a TV Producer. 

Scientist – He is the only one that I have met so far.  He is in his early 30’s, used to be a teacher and coach, adores his dog, and is very intelligent.  I think he is great (so far).  We’ll see what happens on the second date.  We are supposed to go to a Greek restaurant, so I am pretty excited.

Lawyer – Meeting him for lunch tomorrow.  He seems really sweet, good looking, own practice, smart, and funny.  However, he is ready to get married and have children, and I worry that he will just commit to anyone.  Another thing is that he is only 5’9.  Being a taller than average women who loves her heels, I wonder if he will be too short for me.

TV Producer – We talk all the time, and he is the one that I like most of all.  Cute, funny, English major, laid back, and cool.  He is all a Producer for Animal Planet and Discovery Channel, which are two of my children and I favorite channels.  However, he lives in MD (I hate MD!), and he is legally separated.  I usually would run the other way, but he said that in MD they can’t get divorced until they have been legally separated for a year.  It’s something I know from my older sister.  However, not even a year separated and already on the playing field?

I hate dating.  If someone knows how to work a crystal ball, please let me know.