The Sea Is Wine Red, originally uploaded by requiems.

I’m always on the go. There is not a moment during the day that I am not doing something(s). I know it’s something that I need to change, and I know there are five reasons why I am this way:

1. Being a parent means no time to relax - It’s something that other parents can relate to. If I try to sit down to take a breather, I have one of the kids asking me for something. I don’t think that I have been able to take a shower (or bath) in peace for over eight years with the kids around. They are getting older, so I am starting to teach them that mommy also needs her quiet time, so they need to learn to respect that. My son, who is older, is starting to grasp that, but my daughter is having a harder time. She is more attached to me, so it’s going to be kind of tough to wean her from constantly trying to get me help her with this or that. I know that I have to. I am starting to write this book, so they have to understand that they can’t have their mother doing everything for them at all times.

2. Living in a fast-paced area can be another reason why I can’t relax - Having children is not the only reason that I am constantly moving, DC is also a factor. In this area, everything is fast paced. When you are at a restaurant or store, you expect to be assisted right away or you start huffing and puffing. If you have to wait longer than a minute, you are already checking the clock and exclaiming, “Ugghh…what is taking so long?” Since I was younger, I have been living here, so I have always been this way. Time flies in this area because you are never still. I have heard the same from friends living in other metropolitan cities. I think it might be because there are tons of things to do here, so you are never at one place for long. This contributes to the expectation that everything has to happen NOW. One example is my trip to Tucson to visit my sister. She told me that she had a hard time adjusting to life there. I asked her why? She said that everything runs slowly, and that she knows it will annoy me as well. It did. I was constantly exasperated at how “slow” everything was. Looking back, I think it’s great that people actually take time to relax, instead of always trying to find something to do. I’m learning how to do this, but it’s still something that I have not even come close to mastering. I know that I need to because I am teaching this impatience to my kids, and I want them to know the art of relaxation.

3. Not being flexible in deviating from my schedule – Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve always had a planner. In my planner, I write how I will schedule my entire day. It can be a good or bad thing. The good thing is that I usually get everything I need to get done completed. However, the bad thing is that I never schedule any time to just sit down and do nothing. My ex used to get so angry with me because if I had down that I was going to get up at 7:00 a.m., regardless of what time I went to sleep the night before, I would get up at that time and do what I had to do. I would then be in a foul mood all day because I was tired. Sometimes sleeping in and doing nothing is not a bad thing. I know that, but it’s still hard to do.

4. Say no even if someone tries to use guilt – Every weekend, I have different people asking me to do things. I am slowly learning how to say no. Even if the person tries to guilt me into doing it, I am realizing that I need to stand firm.

5. Smartphone and laptop are always attached to my hip – Since I was a teenager, I have always been with the phone in my hand and a computer nearby. For awhile, I had a rule that on the weekends, I would disconnect myself from the electronics. Lately, I haven’t been following that rule. I am going to start this weekend. I am always connected during the week, so it isn’t bad if I’m not on the weekends.

When you have this “go go go” mentality, you will one day crash and burn. I think I have finally come to this. I am tired and have no energy to do anything. 1. My ex, who hasn’t come around in over a month, is finally taking the kids this weekend. 2. I have no plans except dinner tonight and a goodbye dinner tomorrow. 3. I had all these things that I had planned to do this weekend, I quickly cancelled them. 4. Everyone who has asked me to do something that will take more of myself than I am willing to give, I have turned down. 5. I am turning off the phone and enjoying my time alone.

I need this because I need to regroup and de-stress. This weekend I am riding my bike, reading a book, writing a few chapters, and painting my closets. Maybe it’s time that I disappear from the world.