Finding the right person who is perfect for you is a feat. You have to date tons of “wrong” people, which can be stressful and draining.  Believe me, I have dated a bunch of them, and I am someone who really hates dating. There were times that I was ready to give up because I couldn’t take another date that was not going anywhere.  I actually did.  I decided that it was time that I cut my losses, and I just remain happily single. This was until one of my dear friends T. sent out an email on how to increase the chances of finding someone.  If you want to read it, click here.

It really made me start thinking that maybe I shouldn’t give up. I decided to get back in the dating scene again after talking to my other great friend D.  She said not to give up and to give it one last chance, so I did. I joined Match.com to see who was out there. In the past, I tried EHarmony after T. found her fiancée on there, but it didn’t work.  I always felt that Match was more for people who just wanted to casually date and didn’t have any children. However, I really wasn’t going to try EHarmony again, and I was seeing all these ads for Match, so I decided that maybe the stars were trying to tell me something. I am glad that I was wrong about Match. There was a greater selection of guys who seemed genuine, and I didn’t feel out of place because I’m a single mother. I went on dates with a few guys hoping to find the right guy.

I know the traits a guy has to have to be perfect for me:

• Good-natured
• Total geek
• Dry humor
• Adventurous
• Similar interests
• Movie guru
• Adores me
• Emotionally stable
• Honest
• I don’t cringe when he touches me
• We can talk for hours on the phone
• I can think about him for hours on end

I will have to say that I think I found someone who seems to fit the bill.  All I can do is be hopeful and optimistic.

I am the shyest person you will ever meet. If I think a guy is cute, and I’m interested, I can’t even look him in the eyes. I divert my attention when I notice him looking back, and I can’t help but turn a crimson red. I sometimes wish that I was like some of my friends who can look the guy in the eyes and flash a flirty smile. Now, I am here having a huge crush on my contractor, and I am freaking out because I know that he won’t ask me out because I’m his client. It is up to me to do the asking.

Being the huge nerd that I am, the first thing I did was run a google search on “How to ask a guy out” and “What do guys think of women who do the asking.” It seems like men don’t usually frown upon it nowadays, so there is nothing hindering me from doing it. I asked a couple of friends, and they said, “Girl, go for it.” The problem is that being that I am immensely shy, can I really do it? I am trying to smile at him more and look him in the eyes. However, I think the giggling is getting a bit much, but I can’t help myself.

One thing that is true is that the worst he can say is no. It will suck to hear that, but I’m not going to combust into flames, so does it really matter? No, it doesn’t. Therefore, I am going to do it. For the first time in my life, I am going to ask a guy out. I am going to do one thing though….wait til he finishes the job.

Photo Credit: Somewhere over the Rainbow, originally uploaded by neloqua.

Being a woman is hard. You have to juggle so many hats that it leaves you dizzy. I am currently trying to launch my freelance writing career full-time, and by the time I am in bed, I am exhausted. With school-aged kids who are in different activities, being a single mother, having a full-time job, having family obligations, and dating, I have realized that I am stretching myself thin. Therefore, I have realized that I have to give up one thin – Dating.

I haven’t been very successful with it, and I feel that the majority of the time it’s a waste of time. In order for my dreams of being my own boss on a full-time basis to be realized, I have to let go of my quest to find love. In my career, things are starting to be heading in the right direction, and I have to place all of my energy there.

I know that to have a fulfilling, happy life, you have to find a balance. In the future, I plan on trying to find someone who wants the same things as me, and we get along great. Maybe, it’s also a little sense of disappointment in how things have played out this year for me. I feel like I was trying to force something that was not meant to happen.

My sister did create an Eharmony account for me because she said that it was time for me to find someone. After being harassed, I told her that I would try, but I wasn’t going to actively do it. If it happens, it happens.

I was watching this documentary about singles, and in one of the segments, they discussed women. It showed different experts and singles talking about how it seems that women still have to choose between having a successful career and having a family. One of the things they also talked about was that when a woman did have success in her career, she had a harder time finding a mate than a woman who had not achieved as much as she has.

I wonder why that is. Is it because they don’t have time to date, so they are able to focus more of their energy in their careers? Or is it true that men are scared off by successful women? I think it’s a combination of the two.

All I know is that right now I can’t think about finding a counterpart anymore. It is wasted time and energy that could have been used for something else.

When it comes to love, some people are idealistic, and others are realistic. I remember a conversation I had with my ex two years ago.

“You are too idealistic,” he said to me.

“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”

“It’s going to break you one day.”

“What?”

“You need to realize that you have to think realistically about relationships and realize that you are going to have to eventually settle. You can’t live life in this rosy-glass way that you seem to live.”

For the first time, I was speechless. Why couldn’t I be idealistic about love? I’m very similar to Marianne from “Sense and Sensibility” and Clementine from “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” Side note: Funny that Kate Winslet played them both. They are my favorite characters and it was due to this passion and innocence that they had. It’s one of the reasons people love me, including him, so why is it a bad thing?

In Sense and Sensibility,” Colonel Brandon says it perfectly, “I knew a lady very like your sister – the same impulsive sweetness of temper – who was forced into, as you put it, a better acquaintance with the world. The result was only ruination and despair. Do not desire it, Miss Dashwood.”

I dealt with that ruination and despair last year, and I picked up the pieces and are happier than ever. I decided to go the realistic route, but all it did was cause me to become mean and bitter. In the end, I decided that isn’t for me. I love that I still have this innocent view about the world, and I don’t care if I remain alone due to that. I’m not going to change myself.