Archive for ‘rant’ category

Do Something Nice For Someone Without Wanting Anything in Return

17 March, 2010 | dcfemella | Comments

I'll Give You All I Can...

When you do something nice for someone or give a gift, do you expect something in return?  Do you constantly remind the person of all the things that you have done for them?  It’s something that I never understood about some people.  They are always having to exclaim, “But I did this for you.”

It’s something that used to drive my sister and me wild.  Someone would do something for you.  However, she would be extremely mean, always put you down, and make your life a living hell.  When you got upset, she always rebutted with, “But I did that for you that one time, so you should be a little grateful.” It never stops.  The constant reminders.  I don’t know how people can live that way.  Shouldn’t they be content with the “thank you” they receive?  Do they think that one nice thing makes up for the 1,000 bad things that they are going to do or have done?

My sister Kristine volunteered and helped so many people.  Whenever you would tell her that she is doing such wonderful things, she would get flustered and say, “Oh stop, I do it cause I want to help people.”  I wish that some people would learn from that.  Even after her death, someone is constantly reminding us that she once gave Kristine a van. I remember Kristine talking about that once.  She said, “She always has to remind me that she did me this favor.  It’s like she is gloating that she has one up on me.”

In the past, I used to be one of those people.  “Well, I did THIS and THAT, so why can’t that person be grateful?”  I learned that this isn’t right way to be the older I get. I don’t need recognition or praise when I give to someone.  In my heart, I am happy that he/she is able to be in a better place.  If he/she forgets to thank me, then I don’t even think about it. It’s happened to me numerous times.  When I was younger, I would be irritated for days about it, but now, I just shrug my shoulder and hope that it helped. It’s something that I am teaching my children because I want them to learn this life lesson young.

I have met people who are that way.  They give and give, but then are so humble, that when you thank them, they behave the way my sister did. You don’t need to have constant recognition when you do something.  Just know that you did something good, and that’s it.

The Day from HELL

25 January, 2010 | dcfemella | Comments

104_1762

I had the worst day that I’ve had in a super long time.  Even before I got into work, I already had a feeling that today was not going to be a good day.  It wasn’t.  Anything that could go wrong, did.  I thought that I would have time to head to the gym, so I could de-stress before picking up the kids.  No such luck.  The craziness at work took longer than I wanted, so I had no time to go to the gym.  The only saving grace was that I was going to see the kids.

I knew that when I saw them and was able to kiss their cheeks, I would feel a whole lot better.  We ran some errands before heading home.  I’m so exhausted that I knew that if I went home, I wouldn’t go anywhere.  Therefore, the kids and I ventured out.  We had a great time doing everyday things.  For a second, I forgot that stress existed.  Even now, I am tired, but I don’t feel like I’m going to burst into tears at any moment.  Luckily I have a wonderful coworker who I can vent to, and she doesn’t get upset or judge me.  If she wasn’t there, I don’t know what I would do.

Even though I’m still stressed, I feel better knowing that like Scarlett O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day.”  It will be Tuesday and a day closer to Friday.  I keep telling myself that this is temporary so I can deal.  All I know is that I can’t endure this craziness much longer.  I’ve already gotten sick three times, had H. Pylori, and feel crappy. This is all due to stress related to work.  Something’s gotta give.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Stressed Over Christmas Gift Giving

1 December, 2009 | dcfemella | Comments

Stressed Over Gift Giving?

I decided that the kids (and the adults) in my family have way too many things. They all seem to have iPods, gaming systems, TVs, and anything imaginable. My kids are definitely in the mix (excluding the iPods). Back in the day, I could manage to buy everyone Christmas presents. It was just my immediate family (i.e. parents and sisters) and one aunt. We have now grown to:

  1. Kids
  2. Parents
  3. Sisters
  4. Two nephews
  5. Niece
  6. Three cousins
  7. Two aunts

One of my nephews and niece are my godchildren, so imagine how much I have to spend. Last year, I finally put my foot down and said that I was going to buy for the kids, but the adults had to do a Secret Santa. It helped to alleviate some of the financial burden that Christmas brings.

This year I tried doing the same, except adding the kids in the mix. I proposed that instead of all the adults individually buying the kids presents, we pitch our money to buy them one, big gift that they will use more than once. My older sister agreed, and we made plans on how to carry out the plan. However, there was one person who was dead set against it: my mom. Without her being part of the plans, it fell apart.

Her excuse is that this is her last Christmas before she goes to Panama, so she wants to go all out. My question to her was, “So does that mean that we all have to resort to doing the same?”

I decided that for my children, I am going to get them one, big gift (Playstation 3 Bundle I got on Black Friday), a book each, clothes (my kids love clothes), and one toy. For the rest of the family, I decided to take advantage of Cyber Mondays and got great deals on their stuff.

I am mad at myself cause I didn’t stick to my guns. I should have said no, but it seemed like there was no point cause my sister caved as well. These kids are now going to get a bunch of stuff on Christmas that they are not going to appreciate. They will use it once and then leave it lying around. I am the one that has to drag all that unwanted stuff to charity.

Definitely for next year, I have to come up with a better approach.  I remember being happy with two or three presents.  Months later, you will still see me using my Christmas presents.  I need to start teaching my children that Christmas is for being with your loved ones, and not what presents you get.

Bipolar Friend Request Behavior

16 November, 2009 | dcfemella | Comments

People baffle me. There are times that I wonder if I have been propelled into a different dimension, or dreamt how things played out. It’s more apparent when you add social networking sites to the mix.

A person and you become friends, and everything is fine. All of a sudden, he/she will remove you from his/her friends list, and you are confused by that action, but then you decide that there is no point of getting upset over it. Few months will pass, and you get a friend request from that person trying to re-add you. When that usually happens, I add the person, and just leave it at that. However, this time, I decided to just play ask about what in the world that was about. Still no response.

When someone removes you without an explanation, I feel like it’s a passive-aggressive type of action that allows that person to say, “I really don’t want to deal with you” in a indirect way. Or they are too afraid to face this person, so they’d rather do it this way, so they don’t have to deal with the awkward conversation that usually happens.

If you don’t want to be friends with someone, just say it!

“I’m not feeling you.”

“I just don’t feel we click anymore.”

“You did X and X, so I don’t want to be friends with you anymore.”

The person at the receiving end might be a little annoyed or upset, but he/she will probably have more respect you than anything else.

Photo Detail: day 1. confused, originally uploaded by SILLY MOO.!.


So What if I’m Single?

11 November, 2009 | dcfemella | Comments

It seems as though lately everyone wants to remind me that I’m still single. They act like being 31 and single is a horrible thing, and so they are constantly bringing up my relationship status. It started around 30. People would look at me with sympathetic eyes and feel sorry for the single mother who couldn’t find a decent guy. I remember going to a party with my parents, and all of their friends were asking me the same questions.

“Are you married?”

“You don’t have a boyfriend?”

“You better start dating before the train leaves you behind.”

I wanted to run out of there as fast as possible, and I could see that my mother was getting annoyed as well. Later on she would say, “Shevonne, you’re happy, so that’s all that matters.”

There is a saying in Panama that goes “Es mejor esta sola que mala acompanada.” Translation is “it’s better to be single than be in bad company.”

So what if I’m single? I already did the whole bad relationship fiasco because I thought it was better to be with someone. Let me say this. You feel more alone when you are constantly battling with someone, who isn’t putting into the relationship as much as you are. I constantly felt as though I was in a dark, wet cave drowning in my tears.

I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again. It’s hard to date in a metropolitan area. People seem to have more of a selfish, ADHD personality. They don’t seem to want to invest the time and effort needed to have a good relationship. Add the White Rabbit mentality that runs rampant here. “I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.” It’s usually work. All people seem to do here is work. One great example is when I was doing eHarmony. A guy closed the match because he lived in DC and I lived in VA, and the distance was too far. I laughed. I only live 20-30 minutes from DC, depending on the location. It’s even harder for me than other single women because I have children.

I wish that I could just tell people to leave me alone about it. I’m happy being single. Yes, there are times that I feel a bout of loneliness and wish that I had someone enjoying life with me. However, I’m not going to push it.

For now, I will enjoy having a crush. I sometimes prefer having a crush than actually dating someone. You feel like a school-aged girl creating this entire life with someone you barely know. There are no complications or worries that he won’t like you because he doesn’t even know you are crushing on him. You smile because you are his secret admirer, and he has no clue. A crush is great, and everyone should have one.

People, leave me alone about being single. I’m super happy right now.  I have my family, including my children.  They drive me insane sometimes, but I have my companions.  I’m lucky to have found such wonderful friend who are constantly doing awesome stuff, and I get to reap the rewards. I love how passionate I am about many things, and I have met some wonderful people while doing them.  Who knows? I might end up alone.  Maybe I will find a guy who thinks I am as awesome as I think I am. In other words, let it rest.


Photo Detail: red shoe diary, originally uploaded by The_bosshog.