It’s hard being my children’s mother and father. I am the only one there to take them to school, tuck them in at night, and drive them around to all of their events. People think that I always have to be in control. However, if they were in my shoes, they would understand. You don’t have anyone to help you make decisions when you are raising kids on your own, and those decisions affects their lives.
Today I almost had a nervous breakdown because I tried delegating some of my responsibility, and it backfired on me. I know that this doesn’t mean that I can’t delegate to reliable people in the future, but it will be harder for me to now. I actually burst out in tears because I was tired of the lack of help, especially from the person who should be helping me the most.
However, when I talk to the kids, I know that all I must be doing something right. I was in the car with Isabelle. She said, “Mommy, a little girl hit me.”
I said, “What? When?”
“This weekend, and daddy didn’t do anything.”
“How did you feel?” I look in the rearview mirror.
“Sad and mad.”
“Why mad?”
“He should have said something. I know if you were there, you would have told her not to hit me.”
It made me smile that my children see me as their protector. It’s something that I never felt growing up, so I’m glad that my children look at me differently.
I asked my son why didn’t he do his homework this weekend. He responded, “Because I was waiting to do it with you.”
“Why?”
“I know you really help me.”
I realize that I know that it’s hard raising two kids on my own. I sometimes want to tear my hair out because I have conflicting events, disciplining them alone, and have to split my attention between them. But, when I see how much my kids cuddle with me, trust that I will help or protect them, and look at me with awe, then I know that it’s all worth it.
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