Yesterday, I went out to see my friend who was visiting from Florida.  Her guy friend was there, who happens to also be single.  He was telling us stories about these three different girls who rejected him when he tried to ask them out. Nonchalantly, he said that they turned him down, and he even laughed about it.  I was mesmerized because if it were me, I would have been mortified.  But here he was, just shrugging his shoulder and telling us that finally the fourth girl said yes, and they dated for almost a year.

After my friend and I were alone, we were talking about dating and the differences between men and women. She said that women tend to get frustrated and give up when they are rejected.  However, like I just saw, guys will keep asking and asking until someone says yes.  It might be the reason why all my single guy friends can find someone faster than any of my single girlfriends. My friend told me to not give up and just date.  If a guy doesn’t call the next day, who cares, go to the next, and then the next, and then the next. I realized that she was on to something. 

The last guy I dated stopped calling after the second date. I decided that after a string of bad luck that I was done. But, after talking to my friend, I realized I was being stupid. Who cares if it didn’t work out. There are plenty of guys out there, so why give up cause some fool decided not to contact me again?

I joined Match yesterday and decided to just date and have a good time.  I will not have any expectations, except to have a good time.  The last time I tried Match was like four or five years ago. I actually dated one guy for a couple of months, so maybe Ill have better luck this time. Even if I don’t, I would have at least met some interesting people and had a good time.  I think I’ll side with the guys on this one. It’s better to not give up and not overanalyze every person who rejects you.

Being a woman is hard. You have to juggle so many hats that it leaves you dizzy. I am currently trying to launch my freelance writing career full-time, and by the time I am in bed, I am exhausted. With school-aged kids who are in different activities, being a single mother, having a full-time job, having family obligations, and dating, I have realized that I am stretching myself thin. Therefore, I have realized that I have to give up one thin – Dating.

I haven’t been very successful with it, and I feel that the majority of the time it’s a waste of time. In order for my dreams of being my own boss on a full-time basis to be realized, I have to let go of my quest to find love. In my career, things are starting to be heading in the right direction, and I have to place all of my energy there.

I know that to have a fulfilling, happy life, you have to find a balance. In the future, I plan on trying to find someone who wants the same things as me, and we get along great. Maybe, it’s also a little sense of disappointment in how things have played out this year for me. I feel like I was trying to force something that was not meant to happen.

My sister did create an Eharmony account for me because she said that it was time for me to find someone. After being harassed, I told her that I would try, but I wasn’t going to actively do it. If it happens, it happens.

I was watching this documentary about singles, and in one of the segments, they discussed women. It showed different experts and singles talking about how it seems that women still have to choose between having a successful career and having a family. One of the things they also talked about was that when a woman did have success in her career, she had a harder time finding a mate than a woman who had not achieved as much as she has.

I wonder why that is. Is it because they don’t have time to date, so they are able to focus more of their energy in their careers? Or is it true that men are scared off by successful women? I think it’s a combination of the two.

All I know is that right now I can’t think about finding a counterpart anymore. It is wasted time and energy that could have been used for something else.

Last night I watched “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” for the first time since I bought the DVD back in May when the movie was released. Even though I wanted to watch it, I couldn’t bring myself to doing it. When I watched this movie at the theater, I cried the entire day. I remember calling my mom and talking about how much it reminded me of my ex, who I had recently broken up with.   I didn’t really understand why it did until I watched it this time around.

They loved each other so much, but he realized he had to let her go (I won’t reveal more than that in case you haven’t seen it).  He knew he had to because all he was going to do was cause her grief and pain.  My eyes weren’t dry for long cause I realized that’s what G. had done for me.  I spent the entire night writing in my diary, crying, and re-reading his letters to me, especially his goodbye letter.  How could I have not realized what he was actually doing?

Right after watching the movie, I checked out PostSecret and saw this postcard that made me wonder if he had sent it.  I talked to my sister in Afghanistan and told her what I finally figured out.  She responded,

“You just realized that?”

Yes, I did.  The pain I felt when he left was so unbearable that it shrouded me from the truth.  I thought he was being selfish and really not thinking about me.  How wrong I was to think that?  One night at 2:00 a.m.,  before the incident that made him doubt if he was good enough for me, he unexpectedly texted me.

“I think I could be completely yours.”

Last night was me letting go of the pain I felt for losing him.  He would have wanted me to find that person he thought he couldn’t be.  A person who is not suffering from depression, pain, and regret, and thought that he didn’t deserve the love I had for him.  This morning I woke up with a smile and a feeling that I will soon find that person who I will be with for the rest of my life.

I remember he once said when we were lying on his couch,

“You would do anything for me. Wouldn’t you?”

“Yes, I would.  You would do anything for me too,” I smiled and nuzzled more into this chest.

He paused and squeezed me.

“Yes, actually I would.”

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, originally uploaded by Fabio Allves.

Attraction Principle # 29, originally uploaded by agent lover.

I don’t understand why we tend to always want the people who don’t treat us the way we should be treated.  My theory is that everyone wants a challenge.  They want to be the one who eventually “changes” the person.  I don’t know what it is, but I think it’s something that we need to stop.  There are plenty of nice people out there, but we never give them a chance.  Instead, we waste our time on people who will never do anything for us but give us a broken heart.