Being a woman is hard. You have to juggle so many hats that it leaves you dizzy. I am currently trying to launch my freelance writing career full-time, and by the time I am in bed, I am exhausted. With school-aged kids who are in different activities, being a single mother, having a full-time job, having family obligations, and dating, I have realized that I am stretching myself thin. Therefore, I have realized that I have to give up one thin – Dating.

I haven’t been very successful with it, and I feel that the majority of the time it’s a waste of time. In order for my dreams of being my own boss on a full-time basis to be realized, I have to let go of my quest to find love. In my career, things are starting to be heading in the right direction, and I have to place all of my energy there.

I know that to have a fulfilling, happy life, you have to find a balance. In the future, I plan on trying to find someone who wants the same things as me, and we get along great. Maybe, it’s also a little sense of disappointment in how things have played out this year for me. I feel like I was trying to force something that was not meant to happen.

My sister did create an Eharmony account for me because she said that it was time for me to find someone. After being harassed, I told her that I would try, but I wasn’t going to actively do it. If it happens, it happens.

I was watching this documentary about singles, and in one of the segments, they discussed women. It showed different experts and singles talking about how it seems that women still have to choose between having a successful career and having a family. One of the things they also talked about was that when a woman did have success in her career, she had a harder time finding a mate than a woman who had not achieved as much as she has.

I wonder why that is. Is it because they don’t have time to date, so they are able to focus more of their energy in their careers? Or is it true that men are scared off by successful women? I think it’s a combination of the two.

All I know is that right now I can’t think about finding a counterpart anymore. It is wasted time and energy that could have been used for something else.

When are you taking on too much?  I keep asking myself this question.

I have always been a busy person, and have progressively become busier the older the children get, the more experienced I get in my field, relaunching my freelance writing career, and the further away I live from my family. The only way that I am able to keep on top of things is being organized and learning time management.

However, I sometimes wonder if I am taking on too much.  I don’t have anyone to really fall back on, and I am starting to see the effects of that now.  My ex is becoming increasingly absent from the children’s lives.  He has probably seen them a total of four times this summer.  This has made the time that I would do things for myself less and less.

I am hoping to get a new job, but it seems like companies are still shying away from telecommuting, so I am having to weigh all the options before I make any decisions.  My children and me are more important, so I don’t want to be career obsessed like the majority of the people in this area.  It’s like my best friend B.once said.  People in DC seem to only work and work and work.  It isn’t like other areas where people work hard, but play harder.  Additionally, I want to be able to freelance one day, so I don’t want to be in a position where I have to constantly work and forget my dream of working for myself one day.

All I know is that my children’s happiness and health are the most important factor in any decision I make, so I need to always focus on that.

Photo Details: … And She’s Just My Type, originally uploaded by Ken Keirns / k2.

42.365 – My Freedom, originally uploaded by nikilynn.

Before I hit rock bottom last fall, I had this mentality that everyone and everyone was to blame for what was happening to me except me. This is until I really started to look within myself and realized that all the issues I had were eventually my fault. I started reading books, like “Think and Grow Rich,” “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People,” “The Good Earth,” and the “The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich.” Even if someone or something was causing the turmoil, I always had a choice.

One of the examples Covey has in his book is of a woman who attended one of his seminars. She came up to him, and said how is having a horrible boss and hating her job, her fault. He said that it’s because she chooses to stay in that position, and not go elsewhere. It’s something that I have learned, and I am happy for it. If I do not like the way I am being treated, and I feel unhappy, then I need to leave the situation.

Before I had Cebastian, I worked for this IT company that was known not to treat their employees the best. The first contract that I was on was great because my Manager shielded us from all the crazy BS that was going on. When we lost the contract, I already had Cebastian, but my boss told me to get out. I was afraid and didn’t listen, so I remained. She was right. The next contract was horrible due to my new Manager and the new employees. It got to the point that I was seeing a counselor due to the crazy amounts of stress from these people. We had the capability of telecommuting. My Manager did it all the time, allowed the people he liked to do it, but for me, no. He finally fired me after I came in for the second time at 8:03 a.m. instead of 8:00 a.m. At that time, I had two babies, was living with a boyfriend who didn’t help financially for anything, and had crazy amounts of debt. However, I vowed that I would never be pushed into a position that I felt was a bad fit, regardless of how much pressure.

I now find myself about to be laid off at the end of July. At first, they said June, but they extended it to July. I have interviewed for a few positions, but I have only liked one. However, I didn’t get that position. The most recent one was in Arlington, VA on the client site. When I was on the interview, they said they were going to be relocating to Bolling Air Force Base, which would probably take me two hours to get to, in less than a year. My intuition told me to not take it.

Another red flag was the Manager who contacted me. I was at work, and my cell rang, and I was in the middle of something, so I let it go to voicemail. He called a second time right away. After that, he called my work number. I told him that I had to think about the position. We got off the phone, and he sends me an email. This is a tell-tale sign of a micro-manager. I responded saying that I am contemplating everything because I was also worried about the lack of telecommuting options. He said that was something that they couldn’t accommodate, and to please respond by the end of the day.  An hour had not passed before a recruiter contacted me. She said that the Manager had contacted her to call me. I had a WTF moment, but I tried to remain calm. I told her I would know in the next half hour. I thought about my life now and how it will be altered if I don’t have a job, but then I thought my happiness and the ability to always be there for my kids, so I emailed him and said that I am sorry, but no thanks.

Today I come into the office, and I have an email from my current Manager saying that the higher ups have been told that I turned down the position, and they want to know why. I basically responded that I had to think about my family, and so I couldn’t take the position.

At the end of the day, I might be broke and jobless, but my children will grow up remembering that I was with them every step of the way, and that is all that matters.

Last year, I was listening to a special NPR podcast, “For Prospective Moms, Biology and Culture Clash,” where they were discussing how women are having babies at an older age.  They indicated that one of the reasons that this is happening is that more women are putting having a child on hold to go to school and/or have a successful career.  However, the age when women are having children is starting to decrease due to technology and telecommuting.  Technology is making it possible for women to have “it all” because more and more women are telecommuting or starting their own businesses.

“We’re seeing more and more women working at home with the computer. We’re seeing the rise of women in small businesses where they can control their time,” Fisher says. “I think even the established business community is beginning to realize men and women were built to work together, so women can have their children when they’re young and also sustain their career.”

When I learned that I was pregnant with Cebastian, I knew that I needed to find a career that would allow enough flexibility to be there for him (and Isabelle when she arrived) whenever I could.  For awhile, I had a job where they were a stickler for the 9-5 schedule and would make you work overtime.  I had to always stress as to which family member could watch him.  After leaving that job, I vowed never again.  My kids were more important.

My childhood was another reason.  When I was a child, my mother was going to school and working, so we barely saw her.  I remember how much I envied my friends, whose mothers could attend plays, field trips, and other activities, because my mother couldn’t.  Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t have any resentment because during my mother’s era, there wasn’t an option to telecommute.

It is something that is also important to me because I am a single mother and don’t have anyone who helps me with the kids.  My ex is practically absentee, and my mother has never been the type to watch my children (unless I beg).Since 2004, I’ve had flexibility and the option to work from home.  It’s one of the things that a job needs to have before I accept it .

Yesterday I went on an interview.  One of the first questions I always ask is “Does your company have a healthy work/life balance?”

The manager said that they put in eight hours a day, and then head home.  However, there are occasions where they would have to work overtime.  I followed up.

“During those times, do you give the option to telecommute?”

She shook her head.

“Unfortunately no.  We do not allow telecommuting.”

I should have stopped the interview right there because I knew that it wouldn’t work.  She said the Department of State (DoS), who they support, didn’t allow them to have that option.  I wanted to interrupt her and tell her that I worked with the guys who ran the networks for DoS, and that I used to work from home all the time.

In this time and age, when everyone is heading to cloud computing, portability, and virtual offices, how can a company not offer telecommuting?  I asked this question on FriendFeed and got some interesting comments.  Rochelle brought up a good point.  Not all professions, like health professionals, can have this option.  This is true, but for the majority of the professions, there isn’t much of a reason to go into the office, unless it’s to go to a meeting (even that is debatable) or talk to a client.

Companies need to keep up with the advancements in technology, and realize that there are tons of pros for allowing their employees to work from home .  They need to realize that they can save money if they allow their employees to work from home. Additionally, they would have happier employees if they allowed this.

For me, I am diligently trying to re-launch my freelance writing business, so I don’t have to deal with this dilemma again.