Your Lack of Planning Is NOT My Emergency
One of my favorite expressions that I have ever heard was “Your Lack of Planning Is NOT My Emergency.” It’s something that I always applied to my work, and I would remind others I worked with about this golden rule. However, I didn’t realize that this also should apply to my personal life as well.
My family is famous for their lack of planning and then getting upset if you can’t change your entire schedule around for them. It’s one of the reasons that I started reading tons of time management books because I am big on treating others the way I want to be treated, and I hate this about them. It shows lack of respect, consideration, or understanding.
The worst is whenever my family in Panama come to visit. It doesn’t help that they usually don’t notify us of their intention to arrive until a week beforehand, and then want to be taken everywhere. I’ve told my mom several times that she needs to set some ground rules for them because it’s ridiculous, but she never does.
She then wants me to assist her in carrying the weight. At first, I didn’t mind until the day she uttered the statement, “You NEVER help me with anything.” I realized that she wasn’t appreciation anything that I was doing, so from then on, I stopped cancelling and modifying my plans. It was even one of the constant arguments my ex and I always had. Their last-minute plans affecting ours.
Today, I called to see if the family arrived from Panama ok. My cousin answers.
“Shevonne, tia (my mom) says that you have to come today to sing happy birthday to our cousin.”
“I will come tomorrow, but I am not coming today.”
“What! They are going to Atlantic City tomorrow and want you to take care of K. (niece) and me,” she replied.
First, I already made plans for the kids and me to do some activities. Additionally, I haven’t even enjoyed my house this week and want to. Second, yesterday, I went over there and didn’t leave til 10:00 p.m. cause my mom wanted me to help her with all these things to prepare for the family’s arrival. The kids and I got stuck in this horrible storm where I couldn’t see in front of me, and we were freaked cause there were car accident happening everywhere. Therefore, I want to relax today.
“Tell my mom that no one notified me of this, and I have already made other plans.”
“But you have to!”
“I don’t have to do anything, and I am not going to think about this right now cause I am at work. Tell my mom to call me later.”
One of my problems that I am working on is that I do not know how to say no to people. I am quickly learning how to, and realized that it is doing tons in relieving some stress. I feel like I have lived my life for others, and have never really lived it for myself. Therefore, I am not going to let anyone dictate how to spend my time.
I told my sister, who is in Afghanistan, about this. She is the one who has always been able to say no to my mother and not feel any guilt about it either. I’ve always admired this about her, and she has always told me to get a backbone and stop living my life for the family.
She messaged, “So are you going to babysit and change your plans? Or are you finally going to say no and do what you want?”
“I’m not going to change my plans.”
“Good for you! You finally got it right and are going to enjoy the day.”
