Comments on: Why Does a Strong Woman Scare Some Men Away?

By: dcfemella

dcfemella — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 06:14:56 +0000

Some strong women might be that way, but not all of them.

By: oki2009

oki2009 — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 12:41:55 +0000

It's not being strong that scares men away.Some strong women act as dictators in relationships.It's only their opinion that counts and they rarely consult with their partners about important family decisions.They just decide because they believe it's the only right decision.That's what scares men away.But some men who act the same way scare their women away.Just my opinion.

By: dcfemella

dcfemella — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 22:31:57 +0000

Damiana,

I agree with many of the points that you touched on. Those are the types of situation that I always seem to find myself in. If I'm on a date, and I seem to know more than the guy on a subject, I usually won't hear from him again. If he shows an inkling of weakness, then he will slowly distance himself until he disappears. Like you said, all I can do is hope.

By: dcfemella

dcfemella — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:31:57 +0000

Damiana,

By: damiana

damiana — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 07:14:24 +0000

Mike VanLare, I like the line of your thinking. Keep going!

By: damiana

damiana — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 07:12:16 +0000

I like the line of this discussion. I think people are hitting on some good points and although I'm totally new to this site and have no idea how it works or even what it's called(der...) I did a search and found it very interesting.
Danielle, I wrote a comment in response to Jim Sliwa that you might find interesting.
But to add, I do think it's difficult obviously for strong women, like myself and you and others to find a partner who is not afraid or even familiar with truly being equal with a woman, on equal footing or eye level willing to give and take without getting intimidated by her fire. As I said below, it's not about dominating a man, because I am very strong but do not want to dominate a man. But I don't want to be dominated or inhibit my passion to placate a fearful person either and that's hard to find. The other thing I find and don't know but would like to from other women is being able to discuss things on a deep intellectual level even in an opinionated way, even getting heated at times but not antagonistic towards anyone, with a man without many of them getting really scared off. That is one of the struggles I find.
Does anyone else experience that?
There is so much historical context that lends to these dating and relationship dilemmas for modern women. Another idea is that perhaps finding a man really secure in himself is what a strong woman needs, one that can discuss things intensely, draw boundaries kindly when either one needs to and respect them and BOTH parties being able to compromise when needed and go back and forth between each state without anyone having to compromise their integrity or spirit but learning the language of each other before giving up so quickly because one of them might seem a bit strong or intimidating. I believe that strong women want a strong man, not in the dominating sense like the example of women controlling their men, but one who is strong internally, with himself and his identity so he is not freaked out by a woman who perhaps disagrees or challenges him intellectually or otherwise, someone emotionally strong enough to call a woman on her errors or limits but in a kind fashion, ultimately helping her as she might do the same for him. Really really good at communication which is what healthy strong women tends towards, working things out when they come up. That's ideal I know but hey one can hope!

D.

By: damiana

damiana — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 06:53:39 +0000

Being controlled by your SO woman, isn't the same as dating or loving a truly strong woman. I think what these women are talking about, and I myself am experiencing has more to do with not being pliable and needy but instead less dependent upon a man's love or attention to validate their existence or worth, really needing to feel complete rather than share in companionship equally. These are different kinds of 'strong', instead of just being bossy or dominating, that's not strong. A lot of it has to do with history and traditional gender roles. Women were not allowed to be strong, play a strong viable role in their own lives throughout history and the world, and still continues in many places today. Fact not opinion. So it's ingrained in many people, men in particular to be used to a certain amount of give and control over how their lives play out with a woman who does not hold her own with him in their relationship. It's what they grew up with are used to, and until each generation grows out of these antiquated habits, mindsets, learns new ways of connecting with various kinds of women on different levels, deeper ones that challenge traditional roles, it will continue to be that way; albeit perhaps watered down each generation.
I get what you're saying about preference such as colors or heights etc, but the strong thing, has more to do with intimidation and fear and insecurity on the part of men in relation to women. I only say this because I have been told by some that I am intimidating and often noticed that many men I think, based on observation are scared of a woman who is opinionated and even confrontational on any subject, esp. personal / emotional, because it might hark into some intrinsic fear of being rejected or perceived that way…some kind of childhood fear having to do with the mother. Generally, when healthy people are involved, mothers love is unconditional and if a woman comes on strong with a man it doesn't mean we're rejecting them but just being ourselves and yet it might come off that way and trigger a knee-jerk reaction to go the other way. Just like many women are drawn desperately to men that aren't healthy for them or in compromising ways because they are so needy for that love and attention that many did not get from their fathers(due to sociological, historical and economic reasons that prevented them from connecting with their daughters in the way that the girls needed) and end up suffering in other ways even though they are not alone-a trade off. The old, why do good women date bad men thing?

Boy meaty stuff!

This is a good topic that really does need discussing…just giving props to those involved!

By: Dating and the Single Mother | DC Femella

Dating and the Single Mother | DC Femella — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 07:25:22 +0000

[...] I posted the blog about “Why do Strong Women Scare Some Men Away ,” this commenter kept bringing up that I had children, and that is probably why I haven’t [...]

By: dcfemella

dcfemella — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:41:13 +0000

You're right. It does go both ways. You just have to find the person who best complements you. By the way, brunettes are HOTTER!

By: dcfemella

dcfemella — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 12:39:20 +0000

*hugs You will one day feel better. This too shall pass