Being Single is Lonely, But I Want to Remain That Way

7 January, 2009 | dcfemella | Comments

The LA trip is getting closer, and I am dying with anticipation.  I want to get the hell out of DC and my life for awhile.  The only people I am going to miss are my children.  I wish that I could take them with me, but I know that if I do, I wont’ have the relaxation that I need.  Today was rough.  I am super sore from exercising and are still not in the mood to work.  Add to that missing people who I have no business missing, and you have my day.  I woke up feeling great, and now I am ending the day feeling blah.  

I feel lonely when the kids are sleeping or aren’t around.  For that split second that Grover was finally mine, I felt complete.  Now, I feel alone.  I don’t care to be with anyone anymore.  I have an online personal ad, and I just delete the messages that I get.  I’m lonely, but I want to be alone.  Funny, huh?  I’ve decided that in 2010, I am going to check the sperm banks.  I really want a baby, and I am not going to have anything prevent me from having one.

I’m glad that I am going to see Bridget.  We are going to San Diego, Santa Barbara, and doing LA things.  I don’t even know how LA girls dressed.  I have to ask Bridget because I don’t want to be overly conservative. She says it’s too cold for a bathing suit. =( I guess that is one thing that I won’t be doing.  Other than that, who cares.  I know she is the person who will lift my spirits.  By the time I leave LA, I will feel better.  I do know that I am never going to be serious about anyone again.  I am officially living solo for the rest of my life.  I am probably going to date for fun, but nothing really matters in the love department anymore.

Ok, back to watching “Top Chef.”

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Categories: self, vacation

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 at 8:23 PM, and last modified on January 25, 2009 at 8:41 PM. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your site.

  • I'll post the same information to my blog, thanks for ideas and great article.
  • Thank you. This made my day =D
  • mharper
    Hi - I noticed the online personal ad that you reference in this post (pof) and before responding decided to google you to see if you were spam. I'm glad I stumbled into your blog. On the one hand I avoided the frustrations from having my message deleted without being read, and on the other hand I learned that there's a pretty fascinating person behind that ad! It's unfortunate you feel the way you do about dating, and that you're leaving the DC area, but I wish you the best in CA.
  • I am only going there for a week. =) Thank you for the great compliment. What personal ad did I reference?
  • Katie
    The moment you let go and start focusing on everything else (life, work, kids, health) someone could change your mind about living your life "alone". Just trust that there is a plan for you ***hugs***
  • Question is will I ever feel like I want to be with anyone? Also, guys aren't very keen on being with a woman with two kids, and honestly.
  • Well, feeling like your heart is broken sucks, but it doesn't have to break _you_. This too shall pass, and all that. You choose how long you let it hold you up: give it an appropriate grieving period and move on. Happiness is only something you can feel in the present; the rest is memory and fantasy.

    Good choice on checking out the coast. Sitting on the beach, facing the Pacific can have a very calming effect. Much different than looking out over the Atlantic. Crazy, cool, fun people down in Venice Beach, and the boardwalk has always got something, if not just it's own thing, going on.

    Welcome to California.
  • Thanks Chris. Very moving words. =)

    Venice Beach is where all the buff guys are, right? White Men Can't Jump?

    I am also heading to OC/Newport Beach. My friend's friend lives there and wants to show me around.
  • Yes, and Dog Town, etc. The OC is another area, like the SF Valley, you either like it or not. I love living in Venice, tho, and I'm not buff, nor can I jump. But we do a mean BBQ on the weekends!
  • BBQ on Venice Beach sounds yummy and fun for some reason. While I'm there, I should get another tattoo. I am so excited!!!!
  • GDP
    I hope I get the chance to meet you when you come out here. I think that once you decide to focus on you, it relieves a huge burden. Being single has a lot of perks and being in a relationship is sometimes harder.
  • I will be in the Sherman Oaks area (wherever that is), and my friend has to work some of the days while I am there, so I would love to meet anyone and everyone. =)

    My friend, who is always there, said to go to Social, Boulevard 3, and Katsuya? She said that in LA, they are mainly into Hip Hop, and don't play much House? =( She said Boulevard 3 plays a mix though. I just want to coast route 66, check out the beautiful LA people, relax, and party. =)
  • Sherman Oaks is almost straight north of Beverly Hills, just across the mountains on the very south side of the San Fernando Valley. I live in Encino, the neighborhood just west of Sherman Oaks. :) Sounds like you've got plenty of fun stuff planned to do, but if you wind up with extra time, look me up!
  • Jandy, I sure will! I am bringing my laptop (ooohhhh...have to ask about wifi and internet cafes).
  • Sucks, huh?
  • If you choose to spend your life alone, or without a man, or to never fall in love again, that is your choice and you have the right to make it, as it's your life. However, I don't know you but I have read some of your posts on FF and you come across as a wonderful person. I don't know how someone will not fall in love with you. And if they do, I don't think they are going to let you go as easily as you may think you want them to. Love yourself and then all else will follow.

    Have a wonderful trip to LA. I've never been there myself but I hear its fun. How do they dress? I can only imagine a little more conservative than us miami people as we tend to like nudity lol. Have fun and while your there...have a drink for me! ; )
  • Adriana,

    Very sweet words and thank you. It's hard dating when you are a single mother, and I want to focus on my kids and myself. Maybe I am thinking this way because my heart is broken, and I am tired of being 30 and only suffering from heartache.

    I am excited for the trip. I saw on The City (spinoff of The HIlls) that they are not as fashionable as the NYC crowd, so I am worried that I am either going to be too dressy (cause I try to be fashionable even if in DC) or too conservative. I will have to ask around and see.
  • I can never want to remain single, so I can't really understand -why- you would want that. On the other hand, have a great trip! :-)
  • I guess in a way I just don't see the point of it all. I have my children and myself, so I really don't care to have anyone else. Maybe it's just a temporary feeling, but I don't think this will change.
  • galtroarc
    Missing people you have no business missing. Yup...been there, am there.
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